Wednesday, July 25, 2012

True Blood is one of the worst things on television that you should watch regularly

My really guilty pleasure is watching True Blood during the summer. This show is just plain awful and the writing is so bad. Yet, I enjoy it thoroughly. Here's the laundry list of things that you really should never do (from JUST one episode), but no one is telling Charlaine Harris or the makers of True Blood:

1) Half the cast got high on blood and then gave each other...piggy back rides.

2) They hired an awesome actor (Christopher Meloni) from the Law & Order series and then just gave him a few lines and killed him off.

3) We have vampire night vision. Why do we even need this?

4) We have another plot line still continuing from the past...you know, the fae one...where I guess we give bullsh*t lines to Sooki about her luminescence and how she's basically a battery and is gonna run out.

5) We have another plot line with a raging Ifrit or Efreet or some djinn thing chasing Belflour.

6) We have another plot line with Lafayette and former lover Jesus (who is now just a disembodied head with his lips sewn together). Oh and the same lip sewing happened to Lafayette who had the courage to spit in the face of the guy holding the gun on him but then didn't take the gun away.

7) We have another plot line with Lilith becoming real. Why did we need another cast member?

8) We have another plot line with Alcide challenging the wolf pack leader for supremacy. The other wolf leader is unworthy because he's a drug addict.

9) We have another plot line with humans using Barack Obama rubber masks to kill vampires. They call themselves a "hate group" and serve someone called "Dragon" but we don't know who that is yet. They managed to suck in Hoyt who is angry at Jessica for dumping him for Jason Stackhouse (his buddy). Sam Merlott is kind of in on this plot line and does a lot of sniffing and rolling around on the floor like a dog. It's bad acting, looks bad, and is just plain stupid.

10) We have another plot line with Tara as a vampire who is slowly de-icing Pam's heart. Somewhere in all of this, Tara's mom shows up and says she's married to a preacher now and that "she can't have no daughter who is strippin'! and bein' all vampire-like."

My head is spinning. How could the writers let all of these plotlines get out of control like this. Why are there now so many cast members in True Blood that I can't keep track of them? It's ridiculous.

But yeah...I'll be watching again on Sunday. So terrible, I know. I'm part of the problem.

True Blood is one of the worst things on television that you should watch regularly. If anything, it will tell you that 1) terrible makes CA$H and 2) If you want to have respect as a writer, don't do this sh*t in your stories. But then, you probably won't make #1.

Have a great Wednesday.

35 comments:

  1. I've still not seen True Blood at all. I've read the first book but all I got from it was "sex sexy sex sexy vampire sexy sex" and I got a bit bored. I've heard the show is a lot better, so I should really give it a go.

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  2. It's rather perplexing how dubious things become hits (or bestsellers). But at least the vamps in TB don't sparkle. We should be grateful for small things. ;)

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  3. It hasn't hit our shores, yet. I'm waiting impatiently. Yeah, for trashy TV.

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  4. Haha! Our French neighbors (two single guys) were just telling us about this show. Not in this detail though! Thanks for the warning.

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  5. Oh yeah, you're absolutely right. I wish the writers didn't feel the need to give screen time to every single character every single week.

    I spend so much of my time during these episodes squinting at the screen and going, "Huh?"

    And oh boy, was that part with Sam rolling around on the floor the most hilarious/ridiculous scene ever.

    I'll also be watching next Sunday.

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  6. Hahahahahahaha yeah... I saw about three episodes in the first season before I was like... no. nonononono heelll no.

    So I stopped watching it. :-D

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  7. LOL...sounds like a new genre called vampire comedy.

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  8. Umm...I admit that I watch it regularly. Every season gets a little crazier.

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  9. I've seen up to season 3 and it was getting a bit OTT then...but no doubt I'll still watch season 4 when I get the chance...lol

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  10. I still have nightmares from translating the whole saga for the readers in my country last year...
    I'm surprised you haven't watched Christopher Meloni in OZ show, Mikey, trust me, if you value your life, you MUST not miss him in that one. TRUST me. Just Google his name with OZ in image search with the safe search OFF :)))

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  11. I'd only watch it for topless shots of Anna Paquin.

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  12. Sometimes indulging in things like this act as a cleanse for all the gunk lingering in your brain. We don't get HBO, so I haven't seen this.

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  13. ...but could I drink my enemies?

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  14. We were just laughing about this the other night. DH and I are making fun of it the entire time we watched it, yet we still watched it. Why? LOL

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  15. Hate to admit it but I'm a True Blood fan. The cheesy plot line keeps me coming back for more. Similar to the the series "Supernatural" the show doesn't take itself too seriously. That's part of their charm, IMHO.

    One thing I totally agree with here. Christopher Meloni should have remained a permanent part of the cast. He added a lot to the show.

    Although I am a Game of Thrones junky, that series tends to kill off some of it's better characters. I told my husband if they get rid of Tirrian, I'll quit watching.

    Great post, really enjoyed it.

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  16. The thought of drinking blood turns my stomach. So I can't watch or read anything like this. Good thing it's badly written so I don't feel like I'm missing out.

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  17. I've been indulging in a little True Blood television orgy over the past week. It's one of those things I catch up and then feel slightly guilty and like I need to take a shower.

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  18. It sounds like daytime TV with a budget. And vampires. And, um... wait, I thought this was supposed to be a vampire show? What's all this other stuff?

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  19. Ha! I love you TV show summaries. In fact, you're the one who got me and my family hooked on Merlin!

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  20. I stopped watching after season 2. I couldn't take it any more. Did you see the io9 article about it yesterday?

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  21. Hahahaha!!!! I've never watched this... but I've read all the books of course and LOVE THEM... That ad is seriously hilarious... ;)

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  22. The books were kinda fun. I tried to watch the show but it was too over the top. The writers and director took a lot of creative license, but Harris doesn't seem to mind. She seems please that someone somewhere is enjoying it.

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  23. I think I'll consider myself warned and stay away from this program.

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  24. Haven't watched one lick of this show.

    Hehehehe.

    I think watching bad shows is healthy. As long as you realize it's bad. Makes it fun and an enjoyable guilty pleasure.

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  25. It sounds truly awful. All those plot lines--LOL.

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  26. So, it's gone off the rails. That can be fun. Sometimes.

    I got into the show but no longer have HBO, so I've missed all of this season. Sigh. I'm not sure if I'm glad or not.

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  27. Sounds like a total hodge-podge. Who knows if you wouldn't have a million seller writing a story with 15 plot lines.

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  28. mike, most tv is bullshit... but i get a kick outta your posts :)

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  29. AWESOME!
    I always look forward to clicking over to your blog and seeing what you have in store for us!

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  30. The worst True Blood episodes are the best True Blood episodes.

    And let's not kid ourselves; Meloni stole every scene he was in.

    The show's always had a problem with too many plot threads, though, when only half of them are interesting. Last season was especially atrocious about this.

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  31. Too funny. I know it's nothing like the books, either. I don't know how the author stands behind it like that. Crazy.

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  32. Hehehe! That was great! True Blood is one of my guilty pleasures too. I really don't like that they make Tara a vamp, though.

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  33. I loved the show from the beginning, but this current season is making me long for the good ol' days of Marianne the Maenad. They're spending too much time on boring talk of politics and philosophy in the Vampire Board Room and we're missing out on any emotion. As the audience, we experience the world through the MC, Sookie, and even she is throwing her hands up in the air and saying, "Fine, let's go do another crazy errand," and at home we're all ... yeah ... what she said.

    I miss Scrubs.

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  34. ...yeah, I never got the True Blood thing. Hate to be all, "My vampires are better than your vampires!" but The Vampire Diaries is a much better show starting at the end of its first season, and continues to be a much more coherent show (despite being a teen soap on CW).

    True Blood grated on me fast because it appeared that none of the characters could have a conversation (they yell misunderstandings at each other instead), and Sookie NEVER gets called on her BS, even when she gets someone killed because they were infiltrating a vampire gang to avenge their dead boyfriend and she totally exposes them without a second thought!

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