Are these what the vampires in The Strain for FX will look like?

In 2009, film maker Guillermo del Toro gave us the horror novel The Strain. He followed it in 2010 with The Fall, and in 2011 with The Night Eternal. Together with writer Chuck Hogan, del Toro explored the world of vampires that he had begun with the movie Blade 2. Do you remember the Russian vamps that could split their lower jaw in two halves revealing a larger mouth filled with all kinds of terrible things? Yeah, those vampires were a precursor for what del Toro planned to do with vampires. Let's just say (for the sake of convention) that these vamps are a far cry from Edward in Twilight. Rumor is they even defecate on themselves while feeding on humans. Gross but probably something I'll be drawn to watch. I'm a fan of well-done horror that crosses science-fiction boundaries and if del Toro is behind it, the production values should be incredible.

From what I gather, del Toro is exploring vampire biology in The Strain (the sciency twist). He views them as parasites. They introduce a capillary worm into a host's system in the most invasive of ways (del Toro has a thing about vaginas and vagina-like orifices in all of his films) and of course it introduces a virus that changes the host into, well, a blood-sucking vampire. Anyway, I've been looking at comic covers for The Strain to get an idea of how the vampires are going to look when the series makes its debut on FX, and I'm pretty sure it's going to be a fairly accurate reproduction of these panels:

I seriously would not want to be this hapless fellow.

This isn't a herd of zombies. It's a herd of vampires. Zombie Vampire apocalypse
is where the action is at. Wouldn't you agree?

I love the atmosphere in this piece...down to the exposed bloody ribs
of the human victim on the ground. The fact this act took place in what
appears to be a garden shed hints at the horror that engulfs the world.
Even suburbia isn't safe.

DEAD BODIES EVERYWHERE!!!!

Anatomical sketches of the vampire head.

I kind of wonder if The Strain series will follow the path blazed by The Walking Dead. In other words, will they start with a band of survivors just trying to find a safe place to hole up in the ashes of a vampire apocalypse? Like The Walking Dead, The Strain has potential to just keep going season after season with new and different tidbits revealed about the vampires and by rotating the cast (killing off characters with abandon) in fall/season finales.

Have any of you read The Strain comic book or picked up the three novels? If so, what did you think of them?

All your favorite vampires from fiction gathered in one place

Illustrator Matthew Griffin put together this fabulous poster to celebrate Bram Stoker just in time for Halloween. It's all your favorite vampires from fiction gathered in one place. And yes, Alex, it features your favorite vixen from "Underworld" in tight black leather. As a side note, I totally want one of these, framed, and on the wall of my apartment. So cool.

True Blood is one of the worst things on television that you should watch regularly

My really guilty pleasure is watching True Blood during the summer. This show is just plain awful and the writing is so bad. Yet, I enjoy it thoroughly. Here's the laundry list of things that you really should never do (from JUST one episode), but no one is telling Charlaine Harris or the makers of True Blood:

1) Half the cast got high on blood and then gave each other...piggy back rides.

2) They hired an awesome actor (Christopher Meloni) from the Law & Order series and then just gave him a few lines and killed him off.

3) We have vampire night vision. Why do we even need this?

4) We have another plot line still continuing from the past...you know, the fae one...where I guess we give bullsh*t lines to Sooki about her luminescence and how she's basically a battery and is gonna run out.

5) We have another plot line with a raging Ifrit or Efreet or some djinn thing chasing Belflour.

6) We have another plot line with Lafayette and former lover Jesus (who is now just a disembodied head with his lips sewn together). Oh and the same lip sewing happened to Lafayette who had the courage to spit in the face of the guy holding the gun on him but then didn't take the gun away.

7) We have another plot line with Lilith becoming real. Why did we need another cast member?

8) We have another plot line with Alcide challenging the wolf pack leader for supremacy. The other wolf leader is unworthy because he's a drug addict.

9) We have another plot line with humans using Barack Obama rubber masks to kill vampires. They call themselves a "hate group" and serve someone called "Dragon" but we don't know who that is yet. They managed to suck in Hoyt who is angry at Jessica for dumping him for Jason Stackhouse (his buddy). Sam Merlott is kind of in on this plot line and does a lot of sniffing and rolling around on the floor like a dog. It's bad acting, looks bad, and is just plain stupid.

10) We have another plot line with Tara as a vampire who is slowly de-icing Pam's heart. Somewhere in all of this, Tara's mom shows up and says she's married to a preacher now and that "she can't have no daughter who is strippin'! and bein' all vampire-like."

My head is spinning. How could the writers let all of these plotlines get out of control like this. Why are there now so many cast members in True Blood that I can't keep track of them? It's ridiculous.

But yeah...I'll be watching again on Sunday. So terrible, I know. I'm part of the problem.

True Blood is one of the worst things on television that you should watch regularly. If anything, it will tell you that 1) terrible makes CA$H and 2) If you want to have respect as a writer, don't do this sh*t in your stories. But then, you probably won't make #1.

Have a great Wednesday.

Nightfire by Alyson Burdette will set your kindle on fire

I give this book five stars out of five.

I just finished Alyson Burdette's Nightfire, and I have to say that this is one of the best vampire books I have ever read. Just so you know, I read Anita Blake (Laurel K. Hamilton), Anne Rice (Lestat), and have read the first book in the Twilight series so it's not like I'm a stranger to vampire fiction.

What I loved:

1) Olivia. She's an amazing and refreshing protagonist. This is a vampire novel told from the female point-of-view (as a vampire and something else). I'm going to leave the "something else" as a spoiler free thing. But trust me...Olivia is not a run-of-the-mill vamp. There's a reason she hangs out around all that water in Peninsula, and I can't wait to see Alyson explore this in future installments of the series.

2) Jesse. Although he does something that is pretty terrible, I couldn't help feeling drawn to his obvious charm. It's clear that he loves Olivia, wants what he sees as is best for her, but ends up hurting her terribly in the climax of the book all to prove a point. I wonder if she'll be able to see that Jesse is probably better for her than William, but Olivia is definitely stuck on William.

3) William. The handsome vampire hunter. Aside from being a tough-as-nails guy he's also got the whole swoon worthy blue-eyed boy-next-door thing going on. I loved every scene in which Alyson explores with this guy. It's some of the best romance writing around.

4) Alyson's prose. She is a great writer. Here are examples pulled from the book:

"He's suddenly little more than a memory, and I wonder if my body has remembered how to dream...His deep blue eyes open wide as he pulls me toward him. They are two glass jars full of fireflies that dance in the moonlight."

"I spit the words out at him, wishing they were knives."

"He laughs, and it is the sound of a thousand birds in song."

Pretty amazing, right?

So yeah. Alyson...when can we expect a sequel? Nightfire has left me wanting more :))

If you haven't met Alyson yet, you might want to hit her up on her blog HERE.

If you want to be supportive, mark her book "to read" on goodreads so that others that follow your stream will see that you at least find the book "of interest". Go HERE to do that.

And if you want a sample or can't wait to read it, go to Amazon right HERE.

Can you name all the vampires?

Have a great Thursday.

Fangtales

For my weekend post I wanted to put up the official press release for the extremely talented writer, Theresa Milstein.  She has a short story in this beautiful book, and I am so proud of her accomplishment. Additionally, I'm honored to be on Theresa's blog tour and will be hosting her on October 12th, 2011. Have a great weekend. :)

Edited by Berni Stevens

Fangtales is the third anthology in the popular ‘tales’ collections published for the YA market by Wyvern Publications. It joins Dragontales, published in 2009, and Mertales, published in 2010.

Fangtales visits the terrifying realms of the most popular creature ever to grace the pages of fantasy fiction. The vampire. The tales are fresh, original and scary enough to send delicious shivers down the spine of every reader. Each tale brings something new to the genre, and will be a welcome addition to any fantasy fan’s bookshelf. Vampires will always be a hugely popular theme – there’s a very good reason why Bram Stoker’s Dracula has never been out of print since  it was first published in 1897.

Lose yourself in the blood-soaked pages of Fangtales, where a best friend mysteriously disappears; wonder why a small child roams the woods alone at midnight, and how a terrified girl can get help when her house is surrounded by hungry vampires.

Fangtales • ISBN 978-0-9560363-6-0 • Published by Wyvern Publications • October 2011 •

Wyvern Publications began in 2009 as a small press dedicated to bringing quality teen fiction into the mainstream. Its first publication, The Faerie Conspiracies by Holly Stacey, received rave reviews on Amazon.  www.wyvernpublications.com

The Fangtales editor, Berni Stevens has worked in publishing for over twenty years as a cover designer. She has several published short stories to her credit.Her debut vampire novel, Fledgling, was published on 23^rd September 2011, by The Wild Rose Press.    http://www.thewildrosepress.com/

The Secret is the McDonald's Cheeseburger

DISCLAIMER:  I AM NOT an industry professional. I am not an agent nor a publisher. I'm some dude with a middle-class salary that sits around and throws his opinions out to the world on a blog. Some of them, like this one, will be controversial.  I read A LOT into books, into what people say, and into what people do not say (that I think is the most interesting).  So read my latest interpretation of what I'm saying about the Big Six publishing industry below knowing that I'm just some guy with an opinion and every person has them.  I just happen to write them down.  And thanks for the shoutout at The Quintessential Query Experiment :)

Yesterday I came across a post written by fellow writer and blogger L.G. Smith.  She attended a workshop held by Sara Megibow, an agent for Nelson Literary Agency, and what was talked about just confirmed what I've been saying all along.  Here...I'm going to cut and paste it:

"Not knowing your genre and NOT writing to a formula. Sara (who represents highly commercial fiction) needs to be able to immediately identify within the first thirty pages which genre the submission falls under. Each genre has a formula or certain expectations that must be met. For example, a Young Adult novel can only be told from the perspective of someone between the ages of fourteen and nineteen, must be a coming of age story, and cannot ever show the point-of-view of an adult. Adhering to word count standards is also part of following the formula. Most adult novels should come in around 100K, while Young Adult should be between 65K-85K. Veering from these standards will result in a rejection, because she isn't looking for the exception to the rule."

So there you have it.  Getting published traditionally by the Big Six means you are writing to a formula (not my words but an authentic agent that has the cahones to come out and say it). It's why all the books that are coming out all sound the same. Stop kidding yourself if you have an agent and write YA and think that your work is not formulaic.  For those of you that desire to have the literary agent, fame, fortune, and snobbery rights to look down on those who are not represented, here is your toolbox:

• White-wash your story. Blacks, gays, lesbians, hispanics can only be put into the book if they die or are there to come in second-place to the white people.
• Female point-of-view, first-person, present-tense. Look at the Hunger Games for a really good example of this. 
• Love triangle. You gotta have two hot guys and they gotta really want to bone your protagonist. But the actual boning can never happen.
• Powers: vampires, mermaids, x-men, angels, demons, undead, magic, and if all else fails, go for the autistic savant that melts brains when he counts toothpicks.  People will be like OMG...that's so original!
• There must be tension between the guys to the point that the girl is always throwing up her hands saying, "Enough!"
• A setting.  If you don't want to make one up roll the dice on the following chart (grab a six-sided die):

1. Future apocalyptic. The world has gone to shit for one of the following reasons: a) overpopulation b) natural disaster c) global warming d) nuclear fallout e) a Jerry Springer virus made all the people in the world into white trash and they killed each other over child support.
2. Underwater.  People live underwater because living on land is so 2008.  And being underwater means everyone has a swimmer's body.
3. Sky.  People live in the sky because living on land is so 2007.
4. Underground. People live under the ground because Sn00ki got a disease called tanmonsteritis from UV rays and they turned her into a monster that started eating people by the truckload but she cannot go underground because UV rays now power her life force.
5. Space.  People live in space because the planet is overcrowded and space is where no one can hear you scream (blatantly stolen from Alien--like that matters since ideas from the eighties are getting recycled anyway).
6. Modern high school.  This only works if there are bullies.  Bullying is so 2010. The bully should also be a stupid jock because there are no smart jocks and if they were smart they wouldn't be bullies.

I have to say that knowing this and being validated by hearing it from an agent even though I suspected it to be true...puts a slightly bad taste in my mouth.  This brings up a matter of respect.  As authors, we tend to look up to the writers who are Big Six published.  We put them on a pedestal.  Is this all misplaced when we realize that the reason they got picked up and published in 2011 is because they followed a formula...whether it be accidental or intentional?  Here's an analogy for you.

The McDonald's Cheeseburger is made the same no matter where you go.
It's one of their most successful formulas and is a constant seller. Just like
in writing, you can change it up a bit. Hold the mustard, no pickles, no ketchup.
But all-in-all it remains the same.  It's kinda like Dystopian YA fiction, right?

I don't know about you, but I don't respect the McDonald's cheeseburger. It tastes the same no matter what city I happen to be in.  Even though I occasionally eat them, I'd rather have a bacon, garlic burger covered in sauteed mushrooms and made from prime meat that I can get at a greasy spoon any day.  But no one can dispute the selling power of McDonald's, right?  Do you aspire to be McDonald's or do you aspire to be the chef that makes an individual burger that is unforgettable? And if so, how do you get the world to know about it when McDonald's has a vested interest in keeping your unique creation unknown to protect their business model?

Out of touch with reality

One of the blogs that I read is written by Anne R. Allen. It's a big blog, and she has this lady named Ruth Harris who comes from an editing position with one of the Big Six Publishers.  Anyway, it like a hundred thousand other blogs out there--it seeks to pass on writing advice. In other words, they tell you how to write so that you can get agented and published with the Big Six.  I assume that, in a perfect world, if you supposedly followed exactly what was said verbatim, you would find yourself with a product that would get 1) agent and 2) book deal and 3) some sales before your career was over.

Why do I say #3 with snark?

The specific piece that Ms. Harris talked about was the things that you shouldn't do to introduce your protagonist to the world.  Another of these was to excise the prologue.  Now, I agree...in many cases, a prologue is unnecessary.  I agonized over mine and decided to get rid of it in the end.  It is now a short story that may help me market my book in a year.  But I made this decision on my own, and not because I took "professional" advice.

I have some strong opinions about the industry professionals snobs (those that pull-down more than $250,000 a year and have education equivalent to that provided by Ivy League schools--Stanford and Berkely and U.C. Irvine are examples of "Ivy League" equivalents).  But more importantly...those that are snobs because of their attitude.  And yes...I'm using the word SNOB.  You may know some in your life.

I think industry professional snobs are out of touch with dung--with crap.  I define "crap" as being anything that isn't a Pulitzer prize winning/ Nebula award winning/ Hugo garnering (you get the picture) piece of written fiction.  I (for example) write crap.  So does Stephanie Meyer and so, for that matter, does George R.R. Martin who by my definition, lost his Hugo to J.K. Rowling (who obviously doesn't write crap because she won an award). 

Okay... so industry professional snobs are out of touch with crap.  Maybe that's because it smells bad and they want to represent future Nobel Prize winners.  They also want these award-winning novelists to make them a lot of money.  But you very rarely get both.

CRAP SELLS. PERIOD.

CRAP, quite frankly, sells rather well.

And I think that industry professionals are ashamed that crap sells well.  I think that it makes them mad.  And they want people to stop writing crap so that they don't have to represent it and that maybe...just maybe...someday better books will be published and the crap will all be cleaned up and flushed away.

But this won't happen.  And, they shouldn't be providing advice on how to win a pulitzer with your prose anyway.  Why try for an "A" when stuff that gets a "C" gets published and makes more money?  They shouldn't be providing advice on how to be the next J.M. Coetzee.  Industry snobs sound a lot like college professors (and I know some) who sit back and speak of things that they think is true...but the high school dropout that has three kids at Wal-Mart who buys romance novels knows nothing about.  And I'm talking LEGIONS OF THESE PEOPLE who smoke pot and have sex for a six-pack of Keystone and draw down welfare like it's nobody's business.  These people BUY books.

In the blog post I linked above, an industry professional has "testimonies" from other industry professionals pointing out how a prologue is bad.  Maybe it is.  But here's something that I find VERY interesting...it was only this year that even Nathan Bransford decided to read the Harry Potter books. Don't believe me? Go check out his blog. And he's a middle-grade writer.  How could you not read the work of the best-selling writer in your genre until after you started to work on your second book?

My point is that the industry professionals are late in the game when it comes to buying books...yet they have all of this advice on how to write one for the masses so that it will sell?  J.K. Rowling's career by the time Nathan Bransford even bothered to look at it was bigger than Jupiter.  In other words...he only read it because EVERYONE ELSE in the world had read the books.  How come no one ever has testimonies from Joe Martin...the bum on the street corner that has a copy of James Patterson's latest published 'fiction-factory' CRAP?  Ask him..."Hey...do you read prologues?"

I could ask my friend Melissa...she has a high school education and works in a call center and reads vampire books.  She reads everything in the book...EVERYTHING.  That means she reads the prologue, the epilogue and the author's notes in the back.  I do too.  I read all fifty pages of Neil Gaiman's epilogue and I read every single one of George R.R. Martin's prologues.

Was I asked if I read a prologue? Nope.  But if I had been asked I'd say "Yes I do!"  But they like to quote things like, "No one reads a prologue." Hmmm...I must be a no one then.

But industry professionals were asked, and their opinions solicited.  My question is why?  THEY ARE NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF THE MASSES.  The only star on their resume is that they are in control.  But being in control does not make you a sample of the general population.  President Barack Obama is in control of the United States.  But is his lifestyle the same as yours? As mine?  I'm thinking he probably lives a lot better, has better healthcare, has some...I dunno...RESOURCES and probably doesn't have to worry about trying to afford medicated shampoo for dermatitis.  It's like having a black person on trial and then selecting a jury of all white people and saying "THESE ARE YOUR PEERS" to the black person.  Like WTF?! Really?!

Listen here, Vick!  We dogs are your peers. We know WHAT
IS BEST FOR YOU AND WHAT YOU LIKE TO READ!
WE ARE THE PROFESSIONALS and make a living doing
this so you'd better darn listen to us or you'll be sorry.

So yeah...publishing is a catch-22.  Crap sells.  But if you write crap that people like...it won't make it past the gatekeeper who is ashamed of your BAG OF DUNG.  So, somehow in all of the stuff that you've got to keep straight...you need to slip past the gatekeeper with your crap by making it good enough for the snobs, yet have it still be appealing enough to those that buy the crap enmasse.  I wonder how many vampire manuscripts are being turned down simply because the agent "Is tired of seeing vampire stories" when in fact, my girl Melissa wants more and more and there are tons of girls just like her out there wanting more.  They want hot, sexy vampires with perfect bodies willing to sink their teeth into them.  But yeah...there are some "industry professionals" that are turning this down because supposedly "the trend is over".  WHATEVER.  They just want it to be over and are hoping that because they are in control, that they can influence mass opinion and prove themselves right.

Interesting AND a headache.  I have just five words for all of that advice:

OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY.