Excited for the return of HBO's A Game of Thrones

I think that I would be remiss in not admitting my outright excitement for the return of this Sunday's "Game of Thrones" on HBO. I know that I have, from time-to-time taken different looks at Mr. Martin's books. I was not impressed with A Dance With Dragons as an example...but that comes from me being frustrated that I feel Mr. Martin has turned into a capitalist who seeks to milk every penny from his franchise as opposed to giving us the story that so strongly permeates the first three books of his series.

Season two is all about the book A Clash of Kings. And this my friends, is a masterpiece. For those of you who haven't read the books and are concerned that there is no one to step in and fill the void left behind by the death of Ned Stark, I want to assure you that the tales of Westeros do not stop with him. I'm looking forward to seeing Tyrion, Cersei, Jaime, and Daenerys develop. I'm interested in new characters...Milisandre of Asshai, Stannis Baratheon, and Daenerys' dragons (which will become characters unto themselves).

If I had to say one thing about George's fantasy, it's that it got me interested in reading the genre again.  I had wandered into general fiction (which still makes up the bulk of my reading list).  I'd read most of Vonnegut's books, I'd explored non-fiction by reading Hawking, read some young adult (and didn't find it necessarily to my liking), but I hadn't read fantasy (the stuff that I read as a kid) in years.  George changed that with his books. And he seems to be the one that I kind of stick with because, as I've explored other fantasies, they all strike me as knockoffs of what George managed to do, and I wonder how long that trend is going to continue.

I'm really not a fan of knockoffs.  Just to illustrate what I mean by this term, I've heard that "Divergent" is a knockoff of "The Hunger Games"--I've read the Hunger Games...but not Divergent. Again, it's only what I've heard from reading what people write online. I honestly don't care because I'm not going to read Divergent anyway. But it may serve to illustrate my point.

George's story is first and foremost about power. It's an epic that really kind of reinvented fantasy by introducing a psychological component. Instead of a black and white struggle of good vs. evil, it is a complex examination of real world characters who pursue their own interests. I'm excited to dive back into this backstabbing, power-grubbing, drama-filled murderous tale of the most flawed human beings and their struggle to outdo one another by screwing each other over in the most hate-filled ways. Really...it's like looking at our own government.

I shall be participating in the A-to-Z challenge starting this Sunday. Have a great Friday and Saturday.

A Discussion About Dystopia

This book by Martin Cruz Smith is the latest in his Russian-themed novels. The plot is pretty simple. A girl on a train has her baby kidnapped and then finds her baby by the end of the book. I didn't read this book for the plot. I read it because I was so horrified by the new Russian reality that my "disgust" button became overpowered by my desire to stand as witness to all things horrible.

I admit it. I'm a voyeur. But I don't think I'm alone in this. Are you a voyeur to misery? Do you like it when characters suffer?

As for the book, it's a great, fast read. But I'm not going to give a book review as much as I'm going to talk about the setting in which the story takes place.

My attention as of late has turned to real-life dystopias since I see them cropping up all over the place in young-adult fiction. I started asking myself...why are so many writers making up dystopias when we really only have to look at North Korea, China, and Russia for real world examples? On the surface, the world of Russia is as dystopian as they come...at least that's what I get from Martin Cruz Smith.

NPR had him as a guest when the book was released back in 2010. I remember being hypnotized by his interview because he spoke of Russia so "colorfully" (colorful in this situation is not a compliment).  He's what you would call a "hands on" writer since he goes there to pen his novels. The man observes everything. It begs the question though...how much of what he relates to us is fiction? Probably some. But I bet it isn't too far from the truth. Much of it has to do with exploitation of kids and human trafficking. What does the nightly news have to say about human exploitation in Russia? Quite a lot actually.

For one, underaged Russian pornography has gotten a lot of news coverage because the West (read United States) is such a huge buyer of it. America certainly has its fair share of pedophiles. They hide in the ranks of Boy Scout leaders, FLDS prophets, priests, and assistant football coaches to legendary collegiate programs. But sooner or later, they get caught. And when it happens, people act sooo schocked. They say things like, "I had no idea he was raping all those girls/boys. He always played with them in the park. He goes to church, has a wife, and plants trees on arbor day!" Blah blah blah...this kind of argument will continue to play itself out until the end of time (hyperbole? maybe some).

But back to Russia. They're the ones with they dystopia, not us, right? So what are the three stations for which the book is named?

They are Leningrad Station, Kazansky Station, and Yaroslavl Station situated on Komsolmoskaya Square in Moscow, Russia. By day, they are a hubbub of activity. Picture all the stereotypes you have heard of Grand Central Station in New York City and you pretty much got the picture. But by night, it's a whole different story. If you get caught there the best that could happen is someone mugs you. The worst is that you'd end up shot, stabbed, or beaten to death. Usually what really happens lies somewhere in-between. Here's a rundown of stuff that I played witness to simply by turning pages:

Russian prison tattoos all have a meaning.

1. Homeless kids are everywhere. They're skinny, good-looking, street-smart and opportunistic. Because they are good looking, many are prostitutes and whores. Pedophilia is normal. Men cruising in their fancy cars pick up kids to get some sex, to abuse, or to outright murder them.
2. Girls end up raped or dead. The bodies are found but rarely does anyone own up to seeing anything. This isn't C.S.I. No one gets caught. It's just another dead body to deal with. When they have babies, the babies are kidnapped and sold to wealthy westerners who want to adopt. Why have a baby when you can buy one, right? It's against the law? Yeah sure...whatever.
3. I discovered how to make prison ink. It's made from urine and soot mixed together and done with a hook. That's why all the tats look blue. Also the prison tats over in Russia all mean something (I don't know if the prison culture in America has the same thing). Example: a web on the shoulder means the person has some kind of monkey on their back...drugs, alcohol, something from which they have overcome or are trying to overcome. Imagine getting a tattoo from ink made from some guy's urine. Nice image, huh?
4. Kids hustle at chess the same as people hustle at pool here in the states.
5. Everyone drinks vodka. They have rehabilitation clinics with beds low to the floor where people can crash for a night. They're close to the floor so they don't hurt themselves when they fall off the bed. Unscrupulous men show up at these places and have sex with the people crashed out on the beds.
6. There's basically two classes. The oligarchs and the proletariat. The oligarchs are filthy stinking rich and as corrupt as they come. Tangle with them and you end up getting your head wrapped in cellophane until you can't breath while tied naked to a chair.
7. Old, fat men always pay for underaged sex. That's just the way it is. But the sex isn't descriptive because it's over in 30-seconds, erectile dysfunction not withstanding.

Here's a sentence that I think captures the full flavor of the novel just in case you had any doubt as to how well the writer is able to capture the setting:

"Victor Orlov stood in a shower stall, his head bowed and his eyes shut while an orderly clad in a surgical mask, goggles, rubber apron and rubber gauntlets poured disinfectant on Victor's head until it dripped from his nose and four-day stubble, ran down his sunken stomach and naked ass and pooled between his feet."

Kinda cool, huh? Makes you want to know more? All I can think of is that Victor must be miserable. So what's behind the boom in dystopian fiction for young readers? Maybe it's as simple as to admit that the gritty harsh worlds of dystopias are a place where no one really wants to live but to which everyone is a voyeur. Are you a voyeur? Are you drawn to the sickness of humanity for a good story?

I just have three words for you.  The Hunger Games.

The Secret is the McDonald's Cheeseburger

DISCLAIMER:  I AM NOT an industry professional. I am not an agent nor a publisher. I'm some dude with a middle-class salary that sits around and throws his opinions out to the world on a blog. Some of them, like this one, will be controversial.  I read A LOT into books, into what people say, and into what people do not say (that I think is the most interesting).  So read my latest interpretation of what I'm saying about the Big Six publishing industry below knowing that I'm just some guy with an opinion and every person has them.  I just happen to write them down.  And thanks for the shoutout at The Quintessential Query Experiment :)

Yesterday I came across a post written by fellow writer and blogger L.G. Smith.  She attended a workshop held by Sara Megibow, an agent for Nelson Literary Agency, and what was talked about just confirmed what I've been saying all along.  Here...I'm going to cut and paste it:

"Not knowing your genre and NOT writing to a formula. Sara (who represents highly commercial fiction) needs to be able to immediately identify within the first thirty pages which genre the submission falls under. Each genre has a formula or certain expectations that must be met. For example, a Young Adult novel can only be told from the perspective of someone between the ages of fourteen and nineteen, must be a coming of age story, and cannot ever show the point-of-view of an adult. Adhering to word count standards is also part of following the formula. Most adult novels should come in around 100K, while Young Adult should be between 65K-85K. Veering from these standards will result in a rejection, because she isn't looking for the exception to the rule."

So there you have it.  Getting published traditionally by the Big Six means you are writing to a formula (not my words but an authentic agent that has the cahones to come out and say it). It's why all the books that are coming out all sound the same. Stop kidding yourself if you have an agent and write YA and think that your work is not formulaic.  For those of you that desire to have the literary agent, fame, fortune, and snobbery rights to look down on those who are not represented, here is your toolbox:

• White-wash your story. Blacks, gays, lesbians, hispanics can only be put into the book if they die or are there to come in second-place to the white people.
• Female point-of-view, first-person, present-tense. Look at the Hunger Games for a really good example of this. 
• Love triangle. You gotta have two hot guys and they gotta really want to bone your protagonist. But the actual boning can never happen.
• Powers: vampires, mermaids, x-men, angels, demons, undead, magic, and if all else fails, go for the autistic savant that melts brains when he counts toothpicks.  People will be like OMG...that's so original!
• There must be tension between the guys to the point that the girl is always throwing up her hands saying, "Enough!"
• A setting.  If you don't want to make one up roll the dice on the following chart (grab a six-sided die):

1. Future apocalyptic. The world has gone to shit for one of the following reasons: a) overpopulation b) natural disaster c) global warming d) nuclear fallout e) a Jerry Springer virus made all the people in the world into white trash and they killed each other over child support.
2. Underwater.  People live underwater because living on land is so 2008.  And being underwater means everyone has a swimmer's body.
3. Sky.  People live in the sky because living on land is so 2007.
4. Underground. People live under the ground because Sn00ki got a disease called tanmonsteritis from UV rays and they turned her into a monster that started eating people by the truckload but she cannot go underground because UV rays now power her life force.
5. Space.  People live in space because the planet is overcrowded and space is where no one can hear you scream (blatantly stolen from Alien--like that matters since ideas from the eighties are getting recycled anyway).
6. Modern high school.  This only works if there are bullies.  Bullying is so 2010. The bully should also be a stupid jock because there are no smart jocks and if they were smart they wouldn't be bullies.

I have to say that knowing this and being validated by hearing it from an agent even though I suspected it to be true...puts a slightly bad taste in my mouth.  This brings up a matter of respect.  As authors, we tend to look up to the writers who are Big Six published.  We put them on a pedestal.  Is this all misplaced when we realize that the reason they got picked up and published in 2011 is because they followed a formula...whether it be accidental or intentional?  Here's an analogy for you.

The McDonald's Cheeseburger is made the same no matter where you go.
It's one of their most successful formulas and is a constant seller. Just like
in writing, you can change it up a bit. Hold the mustard, no pickles, no ketchup.
But all-in-all it remains the same.  It's kinda like Dystopian YA fiction, right?

I don't know about you, but I don't respect the McDonald's cheeseburger. It tastes the same no matter what city I happen to be in.  Even though I occasionally eat them, I'd rather have a bacon, garlic burger covered in sauteed mushrooms and made from prime meat that I can get at a greasy spoon any day.  But no one can dispute the selling power of McDonald's, right?  Do you aspire to be McDonald's or do you aspire to be the chef that makes an individual burger that is unforgettable? And if so, how do you get the world to know about it when McDonald's has a vested interest in keeping your unique creation unknown to protect their business model?

The Bar For Publishing... O.o

The bar for publishing a successful novel is pretty damn low in my opinion. Take a look at some of these quotes (and points I have to make) from The Hunger Games (Hint: It's made mega-millions). And back off for a moment all you worshipers of Ms. Collins that think "OMG SHE'S AMAZING HOW CAN U BE SO OBTUSE?"

The author uses buckets of exclamation points. And I mean buckets!!!!! They must have been going out of style at the local Wal-Mart. My copy of the book had seven exclamation points on page 22 alone as part of the dialogue. It's almost unreadable. I'm surprised she didn't use capital letters too. But she did at least tell me someone was shouting. "'Look at her. Look at this one!' he hollers..." Thank you, Ms. Collins, I had no idea he was hollering but I'm glad you cleared that up. I mean, what the hell is the exclamation point for anyway, right?

Another point of mine: Dad's (read as "men") work in these brutal mines, yet the narrator states that there are people with lots of kids in town and they have trouble feeding them. How the hell does a guy get the energy to come home and have sex to make a big family after choking on coal dust all day for 18-hours with nothing to eat? The semen for these babies had to come from somewhere...

Yet another point: To accent the misery and to go with a starvation theme, our protagonist and her sister have no food to eat. "For three days, we'd had nothing but boiled water with some old dried mint leaves I'd found in the back of a cupboard." You can't eat boiled water...just sayin'.

"Starvation's not an uncommon fate in District 12. Who hasn't seen the victims? Older people who can't work. Children from a family with too many to feed. Those injured in the mines. Straggling through the streets. And one day, you come upon them sitting motionless against a wall or lying in the Meadow, ye hear the wails from a house, and the Peacekeepers are called in to retrieve the body. Starvation is never the cause of death officially. It's always the flu, or exposure, or pneumonia. But that fools no one."

Really? At left is a picture of a starving person.

At right is a person with the flu.

You're absolutely f*cking correct...I can see how no one is fooled at all.

My point in this post is that I think the bar for publishing a novel is pretty damn low in America. If you aren't getting published, it's because you fail at social networking, it's because you fail at query letters, it's because you fail at pitches, it's because your face is kind of ugly, or your novel is too gay for a straight audience or doesn't have enough "romance" to open the pocketbooks of the huge section of the publishing pie dominated by female readers. Or, it's because what you want to say (whether or not it is well written) is not what the people in power want to hear. It isn't because your writing is bad. Oh no...that is not the problem. A baboon with a talented editor could write like this.

I'm not here to hack on any author. This is not a review. This is to tell you, oh struggling author out there that lacks my unique precision to examine modern literature, that the reason you are not getting published is not because you suck. That may be what those who are published would like you to feel because as long as you suck, then they are geniuses in comparison...right? Who doesn't want to be looked up to and admired? I think that this is inherent within human nature. Nobody sets out saying, "Man, I'd really like to be seen as stupid by a lot of people today..." No, no, no... they want people to say uplifting words about them... "Did you hear that so and so is getting published by Scholastic? Wow...I always knew they were a genius..." Ayep. That's what they want to hear. But too much worship...too much of lifting these people up and setting them on a pedestal...it isn't healthy...and in my opinion, it isn't deserved.

Sure...someone wrote a book. It got published. It made millions of dollars. But you can too. You just need to have the right people behind you and to do that...honestly...from where I stand, it has nothing to do with the quality of the writing. Whew...I'm glad I got that off my chest. Now you can go back to worshiping Ms. Collins while I toss it in the pile of books of which I won't read the sequels. The movies will be out soon anyway and at least then, I can go with someone and talk during the movie.