Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Tiger Mom Amy Chua defines success and I reject pretty much everything she says because it's not me

Yale Law Professor Amy Chua who wrote Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother put forth in a recent New York Times article that (despite diversity in population) strikingly successful groups in America today share three traits that propel success. They are 1) a superiority complex, i.e., a deep-seated belief in their exceptionality, 2) insecurity, i.e. a feeling that you or what you've done is not good enough, and 3) impulse control. She goes on to call this a "Triple Package of Traits."

As a writer, I experience insecurity (number 2 in the above paragraph) far too often. I also subscribe to number 3 (the one on impulse control) because I like feel-good posts and comments that make me want to live in the moment and encourage me to continue on my path. But if I were wise like Professor Chua says I should be, I'd forgo the impulses to live in the now and inculcate habits of discipline. I can hear her say, "Self-publishing a book instead of putting it through the rigors of agent submission and time tested publishing shows you lack discipline. You give into your impulses because it is the easy path, and that is why you're a loser. That is why I will never call you successful. You will always be a failure in my eyes." And as for number one...the feeling of superiority, or a deep-seated belief that you are exceptional...it's just not me.

And you know, it's not that I disagree with Professor Chua on what constitutes "success" and what constitutes "failure." Rather, it's that I think that when you "do the math," we all understand that for some people to do much better than others, many many others must give up their own share of the "dream," whether it be writing, or a job promotion, or some kind of prestige and admiration. The reason for this is that implicit in the American dream is a chance for others to do well, too. It is not about winning at all costs, it is about doing as well as you can without hurting or impinging on the dreams of others.

And so I address my insecurities this month with a quote from the great American poet, Walt Whitman, because I have no choice but to redefine what success means for me as I will never see eye-to-eye with the likes of Professor Chua. From Leaves of Grass Walt Whitman states: "This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.”

If I can accomplish even half of what Walt Whitman is saying, then I should (by all measure of my life) be at least proud of the life I lived and take comfort in what small successes I've attained both in my career and in my writing by the time it's over. And that, as they say, is that; what say you?

***** 

This post is part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Details can be found HERE.

25 comments:

  1. She really said that? Wow. That's such a narrow view. And those superior thinking people might be successful, but they're usually lonely because who wants to be around that attitude.
    Do the best we can. I think that's all we can. Whitman laid down some good guidelines.

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  2. 1 and 2 are also the main traits for serial killers. I'm pretty sure 3 doesn't exist.

    mood
    Moody Writing

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  3. I wonder if she wakes up everyday, looks into a mirror, and says "I'm a superior being"? "I am the look of success"? "Many people envy me, and that's a corollary to being a superior being."

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  4. Most of us have to take solace in little things because we'll never achieve anything greater. For most people that's their children, even though those children will likely never accomplish much either.

    Great, now I'm depressed. Thanks for that!

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  5. I do love me some Walt Whitman. :)

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  6. i'm trying to decide if i fit these traits. I do consider myself successful. And though i don't think i'm superior, i definitely had confidence in myself.

    I don't know.

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  7. Success can be arbitrary. Sometimes it's mostly a matter of right time and place or who you know.


    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  8. Here's the link to the article if anyone wants to read it: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/26/opinion/sunday/what-drives-success.html?_r=0

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  9. That's a very powerful piece from Walt Whitman.
    I think every person needs to feel unique but I think one of the major things wrong with society is that so many people feel they are superior.
    So glad you shared this.

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  10. Walt Whitman was a fabulous writer but his words here show him to be a great philosopher.

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  11. I wholeheartedly believe in Walt's quote! I think those are great words to live by.

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  12. I say you are on to something. You have to find what works for you and embrace it. Lots of people have opinions on how to live. But there are lots of ways to live...

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  13. oh, Captain, my Captain...
    Oh, no, wait, he only said that. Well, I think it counts anyway.

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  14. *whistles* Yeah, I think she nailed the superiority complex.

    I agree with you. To accomplish even half of what Walt Whitman said would be a great achievement.

    Loni

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  15. I'm sorry but she's a fucking idiot who obviously knows nothing of the current trends in the publishing industry. So don't even let one word give you the slightest hint of insecurity. It takes balls to put yourself out there on your own terms without the comforting embrace of a publisher who will only take all your money in the end anyway. Rock on, Michael! <3

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  16. Captaining your own business is a lot of hard work, hardly 'loser' territory.

    I could never be #1. To me it comes off as closed minded, which I think can lead to temporary success but not long term success.

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  17. What an inspired post. It's important to believe in yourself, but feeling superior is going too far.

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  18. I like your position on what constitutes success. I don't think I'd like to be successful (whatever that might mean) if it meant I'd caused other hurt. There are plenty of ways to succeed without hiring others.

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  19. In college, I took a public speaking class. It was a theater class, actually. And one of the final projects had us taking several readings on one topic. I did mine on the definition of success.

    I think success means happiness. If you are happy, that's all the success you need. Don't let anyone else define what makes you happy.

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  20. I think Professor Chua got it partially correct. My Asian-born parents did a pretty good job meshing Western individualism with Eastern conformity and strive for excellence.

    It's a tough thing to balance, but you can be creative and flexible, yet achieve a lot in this world all at the same time.

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  21. I think the most important thing is you loving what you write and being proud of it. I struggle with it. I don't agree with her thoughts - wow, she's got some wrong ideas about writing. Yikes!

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  22. walt whitman is so inspirational! glad I stopped by to read that quote. then, there are lots of people have opinions that dont matter. we need to believe in ourselves.

    and thanks for commenting on my broken branch falls blog tour!

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  23. How wise you are to live by Whitman's words; I'm going to print that paragraph to remind myself from time to time what I should be doing.

    In an interview a while back about her Tiger Mom book, it came out that Chua is a professor of law at Yale and sounds very accomplished. But she also admitted that she doesn't know what it's like to be happy. The woman needs some Whitman.

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  24. Walt Whitman is very, very wise. And you are wise to quote him! Love this whole post. :)

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  25. Mostly I agree with your Walt Whitman quote except that I do think there is a time to argue with people about their god. In our society where religion is so closely linked to climate change denialism, I think it's time to stand up and say that they're faith is wrong and their god isn't going to save them from this mess. There have been some recent studies showing (and I knew it without the studies because I knew smart people like this) that people who had an education, would reject the need to fight climate change because ultimately the believed god would save the planet or if it died, it was in his hands. That is wrong, wrongheaded, damnably wrong. So I will argue with it. Although not at work. So that is what I say. Otherwise really good quote.
    Cheers!

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