Friday, February 3, 2012

I Hope Good crushes Evil

Today I am participating in the "This Stupid Pineapple" blogfest that is being held by Briane Pagel, Esquire over at his blog located here. To participate, all you have to do is write a post that begins with the words "This Stupid Pineapple..." and go from there. Please visit his blog so that he can generate more ad revenue and so that he'll have someone reading his 100,000 word blog posts.

Now...off to my entry of this illustrious contest.

This stupid pineapple makes me think of football. Can you blame me? Afterall, the shape seems to be of similar size. ===>

And because I'm thinking of football, I've decided to pick a side for the Superbowl. This is the first year that I've really done so, and I blame Tim Tebow who got me deeply interested in a sport that I otherwise could have cared less about. And I'm serious. I really had no interest in football two months ago. And now I've made three bets with people at work, mostly because my father said that the only way a game is interesting is if you have something at stake. To test out his theory, I made several wagers from people who were more than willing to take my money because they think that the Patriots will win (that also makes them supporters of Evil).

I'm not scientific (is there science to picking a winner) when it comes to this exciting game. I merely read everything I could about the two teams and went with my gut judgement. In short, here is what I've decided upon.
EVIL = TOM BRADY
Tom Brady as you can see here is evil. He's like an angry angry upset
inhuman robot that hates anyone that isn't perfect like he is. If he were
a scientist he would clearly support Eugenics and widespread culling
of imperfect humans and genetically inferior offspring in his search to
conquer all of mankind.

If you don't believe me take a look at the next picture.
The juxtaposition of evil in fiction and in real life is easy to make.

GOOD = ELI MANNING
This is the guy that I hope wins. He is filled with the force
of good. He has triumphed over evil before so I hope that
he has the power to do it again. I have to say, the expression
on his face is pretty adorable. I just don't see how you people
out there can not root for him.
Again...how can you not root for
a guy that has a smile like this?
So that is my "scientific" analysis, and I did follow my father's advice in order to make my television watching more enjoyable. I hope that the adorable Mr. Manning crushes the Patriots and their evil Dark Side empire into the dirt for they seek only to suck all of the joy out of the world.

For you Patriots fans out there that are screaming revenge for the 2008 loss, I hope you lose again. But no hard feelings, okay? If there are...just remember, Briane Pagel made me say these horrible words for his blogfest. Go blame him.

50 comments:

  1. You make a compelling argument based on facts and science. I think what this game really needs is more breaks for advertising. And since they have all that armour, maybe weapons?

    Good luck with your illegal bets.

    mood
    Moody Writing
    @mooderino
    The Funnily Enough

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  2. I still can't say I'm interested in football. Can't decide if it stems from general lack of interest or disillusionment from players of the sport who otherwise didn't treat my friends (and I) all that well (ah, HS memories ...). But regardless of all that, I'll root for your team, because you wrote a post about the almighty pineapple. :)

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  3. Sounds like you know what you like....:)

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  4. @Belle: Thank you dearie.

    @Moody: Hah!

    @D.P.K.: I'm not really all that interested in it. But the prospect of losing/winning money makes it more interesting. I watch a pretty decent amount of ice hockey and sometimes make comments about it on twitter. I didn't used to be into sports, but I decided I needed to change this because sports is what people do. And since I'm a people, I figure that I should act like one and take an interest in everything that people do so that I could make informed decisions. That's why I upped the amount of books I read, that's why I watch a lot of t.v., and it's why I watch a lot of sports. I pay attention to politics. I'm even planning on going to the democratic caucus that they are having here in my state in March. So yeah...I'm a people, so I'm going to act like one for as long as I can.

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  5. Lol well, I'm on your side then. ;-)

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  6. ...well played, Michael.

    Can't root for Brady. Never have, never will.

    Giants have them figured out. New York takes it.

    El

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  7. Of course it makes you think about football. You are a man. Lol

    Hope your team wins. I'm partial to the Mannings.

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  8. I'm so with you on this one its like we're having a mind meld. Wait, I'm mixing SF franchises here. Still, Tom Brady is evil and will use his superbowl powers to punch orphan baby seals in the face. While Eli just wants to go home and marry his sweetheart.

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  9. Wow. The header for your blog is stunning. Love it!

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  10. Oh yeah, this weekend is football. It's funny how pineapples look like footballs.

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  11. This is the method I would employ since I have no interest in football. Usually I go to or host the Superbowl party for the eats and drinks.

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  12. Never thought of Brady as evil, but I do see the resemblance! And welcome to the awesome sport that is football. Been a die hard fan for about forty years now. Don't bet though because I tend to pick the wrong team in the Super Bowl.

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  13. After the way Brady embarrassed my Broncos (or maybe they embarrassed themselves) I can't really get behind the Patriots in the Superbowl. Problem is, I don't really like the Giants either.

    Blah. I'll probably watch a movie instead.

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  14. In the poll of Who Gives A Flying Fig, 30% are rooting for the Giants, 30% want the Patriots to win, and 40% can't wait for the commercials.

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  15. I always thought of Eli Manning as the kid who wrote the short bus to school. Another reason to root for him. I got a man crush on Joe Montana at such a young age, I always root for the quarterback that reminds me the most of him. That would be Aaron Rodgers. I have this whole theory about quarterbacks and storylines....anyway, one day. Around beer.

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  16. I'm absolutely with you. I've hated the Patriots since 2001 when they defeated my St. Louis Rams in the Super Bowl.

    Eli reminds me of Gomer Pile. And if he does march the Giants to victory, I would have to say that he has eclipsed his big brother, Peyton.

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  17. That's Pats are also proven cheaters, so you got this 100% right.

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  18. Great job with this one Michael. Certainly relevant to the big game coming up in Indy.

    I am an NFC guy and should pick the Giants, but I think the Pats may have some surprises for the Giants this weekend. Plus, the "good" Giants have been talking way too much smack this week.

    It will be a fun game.

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  19. Tom Brady is NOT evil. He's just what so many of us aspire to be -- hard working and levelheaded and loyal. He's no primadonna like so many other QBs.

    I really like the Mannings, especially Peyton, and I hope that if the Colts are dumb enough to cut him that he goes out and wins a SB with some other team.

    I want the Patriots to win so badly, but I have a suspicion that the Giants will win on a fumble by Green-Ellis, since he has never once fumbled in his NFL career.

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  20. I was saying on Pagel's sports blog yeterday that I can't hate Tom Brady no matter how much of a douche he is. I still remember when he played for Michigan and they were pretty much shoving him out the door for another kid (making him share time at QB during games) despite that he was clearly better. And then getting picked in the 6th round and all that he was the underdog and it's hard to stop seeing the underdog as the underdog no matter how many Super Bowls he rings or how many supermodels he dates.

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  21. Good vs Evil, that sounds like football to me.

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  22. Most of my posts are about 200,000 words long. One of them I actually began writing before time existed, and it's about half-done.

    Our annual Super Bowl bet is sweatshirts, and this year pits me and Mr F against Sweetie and Mr Bunches. Last night, Sweetie picked the Patriots*, but announced that she didn't really want them to win, which is the exact reversal of 4 years ago, when I had the Patriots* and cheered when The Better Manning beat them.

    So yes: betting on the game makes it more exciting.

    Your sports commentary would spice up ESPN no end: "The adorable Mr. Manning..."

    And when are you going to read my sports blog that isn't a sports blog at all? I'm going to plug it:

    http://www.nonsportsmanlikeconduct.com

    Because it's the sports blog for people who hate sports blogs.

    Also: Years back, when Brady faced Peyton Manning in a showdown of undefeateds, I did a week of posts on The Best Of Everything on the best battles of Good vs. Evil. The post is preserved in my book "Do Pizza Samples Really Exist?" but I will give you the rundown as best I remember them:

    7. Prometheus vs. Zeus
    6. Crisis on Infinite Earths
    5. The car race between Danny Zuko and Leo.
    4. The Grinch vs. Christmas
    3. The Beatles vs. Rolling Stones
    2. Charlie Brown vs. The Kite Eating Tree
    1. The Apocalypse.

    I've decided to briefly make that post available again here:

    http://www.troublewithroy.com/2007/10/best-showdown-between-good-and-evil.html

    Because of its instructional value in watching the game this Sunday.

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  23. Good choice. We're the trifecta of Giants, Yankees and Knicks fans here.

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  24. I don't think I would want to have to catch a pineapple thrown by that guy. It would chafe.

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  25. Hah! I love this post! And you certainly swayed me

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  26. @Ted Cross: You are obviously the equivalent of a Sith and support the dark side. I have shown scientifically in this post that he is evil. Perhaps this will be the year of the Revenge of the Sith. I just hope that it isn't.

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  27. Ha ha ha, ok I know nothing about football but pineapples and I have always gotten along just fine :) WIll go check out that stupid pineapple. Have a great week-end!

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  28. I'm with you. Go Eli!

    And Madonna ;)

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  29. Remember when Brady was the biggest man-crush of all time? Then he cut his hair and looked less like He-Man. And all the while swore like a sailor and we loved him for it. But Tebow came along. And the dawn of a new Christ-like-era-dude-crush was born.

    My hearts with Eli, but I'll never forget my first man-crush...

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  30. Too cute! I love the idea of picking a Super Bowl winner based on "cuteness". I'll stick with that from now on.

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  31. Love your doctored photo.

    The New Englander in me roots for the Patriots.
    The ex-New Yorker in me feels for the Giants.
    The not-interested-in-football in me doesn't care.

    Go Celtics!

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  32. Michael - not only do you hop on board the football train but you already know good from evil in the football world! That counts for a LOT! So, rock on and GO GIANTS!!!

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  33. Very scientific, indeed. That is one angelic smile.

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  34. But wait! What happened to the pineapple? Did someone kick a field goal with it?

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  35. You were inspired when you wrote this one. Love it!

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  36. I don't know much about football--but you've swung me over to Manning's side. I can even see myself looking up the Superbowl results on Monday, even though I've never watched it.

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  37. You might have me convinced - if I watched foot ball. Mostly, I root for the other guy just to piss of whoever is hogging up the TV :)

    .......dhole

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  38. I'm not a football fan, so your substitution of a pineapple for a football was the high point for me. They should really consider trying the idea out in the next Superbowl. -Aaron

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  39. Pineapple does look like a football when you put it that way.
    I do hope that Good wins over evil. It has to, other wise what ever I tell young people will be considered a lie. That will not be good.

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  40. I've never quite understood football. My father and my oldest son are SUPER fans and were bummed out when their teams didn't make it to the superbowl--the 49ers and Greenbay. I was at my dad's place and he was watching the 49ers play and I kept saying stuff like, "This show is boring. Can't we change the channel to something with more drama and better dialogue?" I was trying to get under his skin and it worked.

    I'm not much into sports, but right now I'm coaching a girls basketball team. We have yet to win, but we have heart :)

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  41. Great, I found you! Thank you so much for following me and sorry it took me a few days to return the favour - busy few days. :) Love your blog ;)I look forward to your future posts :)

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  42. Super Bowl? I do not comprehend...

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  43. I laughed so hard reading this that tears sprang to my eyes. OMG, those pics of Tom and your comparisons killed me. With that said, I've thrown my lot in with evil today. You can't blame me though. I'm a N.E. girl. *winks* Go Pats...Err...Evil.

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  44. This is the wrong kind of football for me, but I gather this match is kind of a big deal so good luck to...erm...those who play for good and not evil :-)

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  45. you know, I'm one of those who don't get the difference between American Football and Rugby :)

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  46. Damn, this blogfest sounds like it was fun. hahaha

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  47. I usually pick my team based on the color of the uniforms (shrugs.) This years Super Bowl caused an issue though since both teams were wearing the same colors. I actually had no idea who was who for the entire game.

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  48. It looks like you got your wish. :)

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  49. He IS adorable! It's like watching an overgrown puppy throw the football! I love it!

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