Thursday, November 1, 2012

Five things I don't want to see in the new Star Wars films

So the Star Wars/Disney deal is big news and my mental preparation includes a list of things that I hope Lucasfilm will not do in episodes 7, 8, and 9. I have a lot of faith in producer Kathleen Kennedy, as her name is on every single Spielberg film going back to pretty much Jaws. That is a resume of pure excellence that hardly anyone in my mind could top. Still, I do have five suggestions. Could we not have:

1) A romance in the middle episode of the trilogy. You can't dispute that Star Wars is pretty formulaic. The first in the trilogy is the introduction to the characters wherein they fight something evil and triumph with all happy faces to closing credits of John Williams iconic score. But the middle episode has always dripped with gushy romance. Empire had it first and then it continued with "Attack of the Clones." I say break with the formula. Of course, audiences could expect it by now so who am I to complain?

2) Can we not screw over the "extended universe." There's this word that floats around the sci-fi world. It's called "Canon", and it refers to the material that is officially endorsed within the Star Wars universe. Anything that is an outlier, gets kaboshed with the phrase "That's not canon." So if something in a Star Wars comic book or novel gets crushed by the words "not canon" then what the hell is it? I suppose "made up" would suffice. But then, isn't the whole thing "made up?" The whole "that's not canon" is just irritating. The Alien franchise is awash with this as movies like Alien vs. Predator get proclaimed "not canon." It just seems to me to be something that a nerd uses to dismiss the contributions of another that are viewed publicly as piss-poor.

3) Can we get new actors/actresses for Leia, Han, and Luke? I really do not want to see their old asses playing these parts. Harrison Ford looked like he was about to die in Cowboys and Aliens and don't get me started on Mark Hamill. He looks like Roger Moore does (remember James Bond)? My suspension of disbelief can only go so far and this pic of Roger just makes me cringe. We all gonna age and age sucks. Hollywood is definitely not immune.
4) Can merchandising not include Princess Leia and Queen Amidala as "Disney Princesses."

5) Disney please please please do not take on Michael Bay as a director even if he begs and pleads. Just imagine "Star Wars Transformers." No No No No No. And please no Megan Fox or that awful Kate Beckinsale. Every movie either of these women is in sucks the big one all the way home. They are terrible.
One of the worst directors ever. Sorry,
money does not equate skill or intelligence.
It just means "you're rich."
I think if we steer clear of these things, I shall be a happy movie goer. I have to admit, I'm excited about Disney taking control of this franchise. As much as I liked episodes 1-3 (I have watched them several times), I think they could have been better. Almost in the role of a beta-reader, I would have made suggestions if possible. For example, I would have cut the Jar Jar character and redone Darth Maul so that he had more speaking parts and more of his back story on display. I would have hired a different child actor for the boy that played Anakin. Oy...he was terrible.

But I wasn't a beta reader for Lucas so all that's a moot point. What Lucas came up with (in my opinion) was still really good but it could have been better.

Having seen what Disney has done with Marvel's movies really blows me away. So I expect HUGE HUGE things. I expect to have directors like Joss Whedon or J.J. Abrams. Just please...no Michael Bay. Transformers makes my brain melt out of my ears.

And that my friends is all I have to say on that.

If you didn't visit Mary's blog yesterday, I was a guest on Spacedock 19. I talked about Japanese Kaiju and it was awesome. Read about it HERE.

Have a great Thursday.

37 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Think you're screwed on the fourth item - it's going to happen.
Romance was done right in Empire - since that is the best movie of the bunch - just don't do it like the latest three.
I'd add a sixth rule - don't let Lucas anywhere near the project!

laughingwolf said...

lol@alex ;)

agree on the girls... and bay... barfarillo!

Mark Koopmans said...

I think we're finally going to find out what planet Pluto the dog comes from..

But... will we discover who's Goofy's father, too?

Ciara said...

1) Don't let Lucas near it
2) Have actors that can act
3) I agree with the change of characters.
4) Sorry you lose on the Princess thing if Disney is doing it.
5)Please, please, please have actors that can act. Yes, that deserved to be repeated.

Cindy said...

I'm wondering if they're still going to have puppet-like aliens. Not sure how that's going to work these days.

We all have a time to be young and old. Old not being the fun part. And I agree, they need new actors for Leia, Han and Luke.

mooderino said...

Since the emperor dies and Vader reforms at the end of Return, I assume they'll have to start pretty much from scratch. Han and Leia's kids?

mood

Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

Agree. Agree. Agree!

PT Dilloway, Superhero Author said...

I wish they could adapt the first three Timothy Zahn novels with Grand Admiral Thrawn but that would be problematic for a few reasons. Really though since Lucas made 1-6 all about Anakin/Vader (supposedly) I don't see where you go in 7-9 since Anakin/Vader is dead. Maybe something with Luke's children being tempted by the dark side or something?

But you're right, please no Michael Bay.

Elise Fallson said...

I agree with Alex's sixth rule. But honestly, I just don't care anymore. I'm too pessimistic at this point.

Ben said...

Did you know that Episode 7 was actually written years ago and made into a novel? It was set 20 years after Episode 6 and Luke had a pupil named Kip Durron. It was politics heavy and I don't think they will use any of it, especially now that Disney's into the mix. Too bad, because there was an awesome segment about Han Solo escaping a graveyard planet.

Jess said...

Great/funny post! The hubby is dying to see what they do and reeeeeally hoping it goes well. I'll tell him about producer Kathleen Kennedy~ sounds like she's pretty darn qualified. He's been making the stupidest jokes about how many dwarves will be included now that Disney's on board, and whether the Beast (from Beauty and the Beast) could kick Chewbacca's butt.

M.J. Fifield said...

I agree with most of these things and I'm not much of a Star Wars fan. Here's hoping the Powers That Be listen to you.

Libby said...

I'm hoping it's an animated musical.

Tonja said...

The Empire Strikes Back is my favorite movie ever. Not sure they can top it - but if they aren't going to try to top it, they shouldn't bother.

Stephen Hayes said...

I really wish George Lucas would leave Star Wars alone and move on to something else. I have absolutely no more interest in Star Wars and would like to see something from Lucas that isn't based on thirty year old ideas.

Jay Noel said...

I'm not a romance fan - but I have to admit, romance was done well in Empire. The sexual tension was believable.

And Han's line, "I know" is iconic.

If they use Mark Hammill, I expect it'll be a much older Luke Skywalker. That would work. Sorta like passing the torch.

Andrew Leon said...

You may already know this, but in case you don't:
Darth Maul was actually supposed to be a major villain in the prequels, not just the throw away character he ended up being. Originally, he was going to return in II as a clone (or maybe the clone died in I?), but Ray Park announced almost immediately after Menace came out that he was returning in II, so Lucas canned him and wrote II without Maul in it.

Maybe that's why they brought the character back in the animated show (but don't tell me about it, because we haven't watched season 4 yet).

Milo James Fowler said...

I had a mixed reaction to the news. On the one hand, YES! More Star Wars! On the other... Yep. You nailed them.

L.G. Keltner said...

I agree with your points. If they insist on doing romance in these movies, they should go for subtle tension. Episode 2 was ridiculous in some spots as far as the romance was concerned. It was forced, physically uncomfortable for me to even watch at times, and ultimately not believable.

Briane P said...

I am just glad that the entire basis of western civilization will live on. For years now I have been pointing out that Star Wars is at the root of all of our existence, and I boldly predicted that Star Wars will be the ONE THING that future generations will know about this era, when, in the future, all of history gets boiled down to 1 or 2 things the way it always does.

(As an example: 1800-1899 is now "The Civil War happened and also reconstruction." NOTHING ELSE TOOK PLACE IN THAT TIME).

So it does my heart good to know that all the other attempts at creativity since 1978 will no longer be necessary and we can all relax and just focus on a Star Wars-centric future in which everything somehow relates to Star Wars. I am sure that I will love watching "CNN Headline News Featuring Constant References To Star Wars" almost as much as I will love "Keeping Up With The Expanded Universe Of The Kardashians." The Harry Potter-meets-Star Wars crossover of 2022 will be especially exciting, but most of all I look forward to when they reanimate the corpses of The Beatles to have them perform, a capella, a rendition of the Star Wars theme by John Williams, as that will be the only music we are allowed by then.

Star Wars Forever! Hooray.

(Is Disney still looking at me? No? They've looked away? Good. Because $(#&%^%, I love Star Wars as much as the next guy but why are we constantly just rebooting old things instead of THINKING UP NEW IDEAS? I had to add this part because there is no "sarcasm" emoticon. And now there never will be because THERE WASN'T ONE IN STAR WARS IF IT WASN'T IN STAR WARS IT DIDN'T EXIST.)

Morgan said...

Ooo... Do we need to start a petition to have you be a beta reader for Lucas??? I'd sign! ;-)

And I would've LOVED more back story on Darth Maul...

Jai Joshi said...

I heard that Lucas wasn't going to have anything to do with it - but maybe that was just my wishful thinking! He's a terrible director.

At the same time, Disney is just as capable of screwing something up. They can get things really right but they can also get things horribly wrong. And don't even get me started on Michael Bay... *shudder*

All in all I'm praying and hoping it works out well. I've hoped for at least 12 years that they would do episodes 7/8/9 because I heard in a sci-fi convention that that's how the stories were originally written. I'm looking forward to Luke training Leia and finding more Jedi.

Jai

L.G.Smith said...

I really think they should have stopped after the original Star Wars trilogy.

Christine Rains said...

My fingers are crossed for no Michael Bay too. And no to the original actors. Give us something fresh and new... that doesn't ruin canon!

Adam said...

I can say they do have plenty of awesome novels to base it off of.

Donna Hole said...

I think Disney is out to take over the Movie industry.

.....dhole

Danette said...

I agree- the middle movie romance formula is old. I didn't like the prequels, they were just anticlimactic. I hope Disney can do something good with it but I am tired of the Disney formula as well and I am not hopeful. Hollywood is too after the blockbuster movie and not interested in making good films.

Ellie Garratt said...

I have to say I frowned when I heard Disney are planning more Star Wars films. I feel there have been enough now. And if they get Michael Bay, I shall not be happy.

Madeline Jane said...

I've got to admit that I'm a bit skeptical about the whole thing, but over all, it is really exciting! I love Star Wars, and I'm stoked to see where the story goes now. :)

Liz said...

Hopefully they'll realize that the whole world is watching and judging, and they'll hit the proverbial ball out of the park. Ever in optimism...

The stilted acting was a choice on Lucas' part. He was attempting to do a throwback to movies of the past, and the stilted acting was part of that.

Richard said...

I saw the first Star Wars movie in the theater in 1978. Yeah, I'm that old. I never got into the sequels. Was the Wrath of Khan one of the sequels? I remember seeing that one on the VCR. But, I'm not much into SciFi.

Sher A. Hart said...

I am so with you on all points except romance. Well,it's a girl thing. But I'd rather see it in the first, misfire in second, and develop in the last episode.

Theresa Milstein said...

If they make these movies like the ones in the 1970s and 1980s, they'll do a better job. Those prequels were awful. Did I ever send you those You Tube links about where they went wrong?

Deniz Bevan said...

I like your list! Anything that got me more excited about Star Wars (rather than laughing myself silly every time I see the LEGO version of Eddize Izzard's Death Star Canteen sketch) would be a good thing!

Helena said...

I'm more of a Star Trek than a Star Wars fan, if only 'cause I'm old enough that I grew up with Trek and Wars came later. But I still want to see the franchise handled very, very well, which means NO awful Jar Jar, really well-cast actors, and opening the "canon" to some really fresh ideas.

As for Kate Beckinsale -- I admire her (that woman is in solid athletic shape), and Alex Cavanaugh really likes her, so I'm surprised he didn't come to her defense here. Then again, her movies aren't as good as she is, and I can't see her in a Star Wars role. And hey -- Alec Guiness was an old guy in Star Wars and brought some classical style to his role.

Alyson Burdette said...

Eh I probably won't be goin to see these either way (unless I get drug by a friend) so I don't really care one way or the other.

Sylvia van Bruggen said...

I love that list! I also would like to add: NO EWOK MOVIES! I love the ewoks, but I know the Disney execs drool over them.
I really look forward to seeing the movies though :)