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| A now famous image of all Bill Cosby's victims. |
A little background: I come from a kind of sad little family. It is likely that neither my brother nor myself will have children, and I think my parents knew this when "The Cosby Show" reruns were still popular about ten to fifteen years ago. My mother was hit especially hard (emotionally) because she had a longing to be a grandmother long after every single one of her friends got grandkids aplenty. But I'm not here to bitch about how life forks for different people, and how some people are never presented with the opportunities that others have. Rather, I'm here to talk about how "The Cosby Show" actually made my mother laugh and cry at the same time. The laughing is easy to explain if you've seen even a single episode of the Emmy winning program. But the crying? That requires a little psychology and how humble bragging can actually make those who live without just a wee bit depressed. Think of it as the "Facebook effect" long before Facebook made it possible for people to post the best moments of their lives on a news feed so that you can feel shitty about your own life. It happened because she (this little Japanese woman) bought the illusion that NBC shoveled to the masses. She believed that this was a "normal" American family and inevitably drew sharp contrast to our own dysfunctional one. And as for Bill Cosby? My mother thought he was a great American.
But behind all the glitz and magical humor of "The Cosby Show" lurked what headlines now call America's rapist...a man who knocked out more people than Sugar Ray Leonard so he could get down to his amoral business. From the perspective of 2015, "The Cosby Show" looks like nothing but a huge lie to me now. And the older I get, the more poisoned I've become to the idea that there is actually anything out there to respect. When I was young, I could look at the well-dressed people heading off to Sunday church and think, "how sharp and respectable they are." But then came the shattering illusions of my self awareness which was then shorn piece by piece away through the acts of society: the most popular couple in my high school separated because the boyfriend was beating his girlfriend in private, the clean scrubbed game store owner and returned LDS missionary was a pedophile, the local entrepreneur driving new cars and living large in a great mansion on the hill was a crook and running a ponzi scheme that destroyed people's retirements, and the new friend I just made really only wants me as a friend so that they can beg for money and share the link to their "Go Fund Me" account on Facebook.
Lies. Deception. More Lies. All to preserve the image of something that's wholesome and altogether a fiction. I guess what really makes me upset is the utter hypocrisy in presenting to the world an image of perfection while utter rot lurks just beneath the surface. Why do people feel compelled to lie so much? Just show your inner monster. If you're a bigot, admit it to the world. Gnash your teeth together in hatred so that we can have a real fight. For example, I actually am amused and respect Donald Trump for saying whatever the hell comes across his mind. I'd never vote for that racist bastard, but it's refreshing to see someone just tell it like it is. How about the guy down south that owns a hardware store that hung a sign that said, "No Gays Allowed?" I kind of respect the courage to wear your hatred on your skin like that. And what about Bill Cosby?
Well, he's being a coward. He should come clean, set the record straight, pay reparations and offer to go to prison for the rest of his life for the things he's done. Wear his monster instead of being a coward. It's practically the only thing he could do at this point that could possibly earn back any respect for who he is. But will he do that? My opinion is "probably not."
After all, my mom said it right. Bill Cosby is an American and that more than likely means, "Liar."
It's a sad state of affairs with Cosby.
ReplyDeleteAs for the perfect American family, I guess my wife and I blew that since we never had kids.
You can't put your faith in people. No one is perfect. Is everyone a terrible person beneath? No, just a bit flawed. And yes, some more than others.
On the other hand, consider the fact that the reason these people lie and cheat and pretend to be what they're not is because they can't get what they want any other way and their true faces would be unacceptable to most people, which also means that most people still believe that lying and cheating and acting badly is wrong. By that reasoning most people are good and decent. The trouble is we don't hear about the good things people do much because the media wants us to read all about the awful things people do to one another because that's what sells.
ReplyDeleteI used to love Bill Cosby, too, and it's hard to believe that the man who spoke such truths about life and made me laugh so hard could be a monster. Unfortunately, sometimes the monsters are us. But I still believe there are more good people than bad. We just need to be louder.
America was founded with quite a bit of hypocrisy. I mean the Founding Fathers said all men are created equal...except the blacks, the Jews, and of course women. Anyway, I don't think lying is a particularly American trait; plenty of that goes on around the world.
ReplyDeleteAs Tony Laplume talked about in his Cosby post (http://mouldwarp.blogspot.com/2015/07/841-we-need-to-talk-about-bill-cosby.html) the guy had some good ideas so it's a shame that now we're only going to think of him as a perverted scumbag.
You know, I have some good ideas. I think you have some good ideas. The whole "this person has good ideas" doesn't hold any water with me because if we'd known the truth, we wouldn't be listening to the scumbag. It's because of his lies that he was able to maintain his platform by which he could address social wrongs. That's just unacceptable to me.
DeleteYou and I aren't TV stars so no one cares about our ideas, lol. Didn't Arnold Schwarzenegger grope tons of women? Yet he's still making movies...not that people are necessarily watching those movies.
DeleteThe difference with Arnold though is that he "owns" the truth about himself. He doesn't hide from the fact that he was a male slut and he certainly doesn't hide from the love child he produced with his maid? I mean it destroyed his marriage, and it looks like to me that he just shrugs his shoulders and accepts the kid as his son just like he accepts Patrick Schwarzenegger has his son. My point in my post is that people should just stop lying. Let it all hang out, ugliness and all, and then we'd be better informed and stop worshiping people that don't deserve it.
DeleteWell, you're not a liar, and you're American, so don't lose hope for the rest of us who aren't diabolical liars either! There are mostly good people out there. Thankfully. xx
ReplyDeleteMore examples: Tom Brady and Lance Armstrong (both are well-known "sports" icons and both were HUGE liars). I won't even get started with politicians.
DeleteI realized a long time ago, it's the liars that win. In my life they always have. I changed jobs once, and offered to help my replacement get her feet on the ground. She called me one weekend because the board of directors were meeting the next day and she had nothing prepared. I went in on a Saturday and Sunday, to a place I no longer worked and helped her by writing down for her exactly what to report - after I completed the financial reports she claimed she still had no idea how to do. She used my work word for word. When that former boss, the one who hired her had a job opening at another location years later, I applied. He offered the job to her, after telling me that first day she made her report to the board of directors showed him she was much better fitted to the job than I could ever be because of her confidence and knowledge. I was beyond crushed, but learned a valuable lesson. Liars rule the world. Hell is this lifetime and our reward is in the next - I have to believe that, or why?
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you've said. A guy I know that I used to work with lied about his resume and is a liar about so many other things and constantly gets rewarded for it.
DeletePeople kept being in denial about him "why on earth are all the women coming out..NOW". Once you learn how Cosby's lawyer was a very pressuring man, it makes sense why it took so long. Now that he's semi-admitted it, you don't hear much on his defense
ReplyDeleteIt's not just Americans, but America loves to bring attention to these kind of people. I mean you have to admit these are shocking stories that are going to get attention. Every reporter wants to find something like this...every journalist wants to make it big and go viral.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes Bill Cosby is disgusting. He deserves anything he gets. There are a lot of people who pretend to be something they're not and hide the truth. One has to be careful who they trust.
We wouldn't have to be careful if people would just stop lying so much. I say let it all hang out. Let the world see you for what you are.
DeleteI don't believe in wearing our wrongness in the open and being proud of it. That's not to say that we should hide our wrongness and pretend that it isn't there. The idea is to be able to see the areas where we are wrong and seek to subvert those withing ourselves and make them into something good. So the guy who had the "no gays" sign on his shop should not be applauded for being "honest;" he should acknowledge that he's a bigot and work on accepting people as valuable for being people no matter what they believe. And, yes, I know nothing is that simple, but Trump is a rascist, classist asshole, and he shouldn't be applauded for being "honest" about what he believes.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, let's look at your perspective and remove the word "people" and replace it with "book." Wouldn't you like a book (or its reviews) to be honest? To wear on its cover that it is in fact terrible so that you know to skip over it for some other fare?
DeleteSure, but I would prefer above that is for the author of that book and that author's friends to be honest about it ahead of time and say, "Hey, this is terrible and needs more work before you make it public." So, going back to people, it would be nice (and, yes, totally unrealistic) for people to say, "Wow, I'm a pretty selfish asshole. I ought to work on that before going outside my house."
DeleteOkay, I concede that you win this argument by saying it is unrealistic.
DeleteIt's not that I don't agree with what you were saying, I do agree: People should own their shit. But, if we're going to start being idealistic about it, we should just go all the way idealistic about it. Because, really, is Trump ever going to say, "I'm a racist asshole"? No, he's going to continue with his delusion of, "I'm going to win the 2016 Latino vote." I mean, he's not just lying to other people at that point. He believes that crap that comes out of his mouth.
DeleteLOL, very true. Our conversation (particularly my own delusion on wanting everyone to tell the truth) reminds me of a movie called "The Invention of Lying" in which the world is essentially that. It was quite entertaining and begs the question: how weird would it really be if no one lied ever? http://m.imdb.com/title/tt1058017/?ref_=m_nmfmd_act_24
DeleteYeah, I saw that movie. It was a clever idea. I remember enjoying the movie overall, but I think I wasn't satisfied with the ending. Not that I remember how it ended or what I was dissatisfied with.
DeleteLying is very prolific in our culture, isn't it? Maybe it's human nature. I've noticed that politicians who scream most strenuously about something usually have the most to hide. The Donald is something. There are few who will say what they actually believe and stick to it. I've seen Donald defy making those remarks though. So he's not above it either.
ReplyDeleteOur culture is also skewed to not respect women. It won't surprise me if nothing happens to Cosby. Although, I'm glad the women aren't being villainized much this time.
The monsters hide in plain sight. It isn't that we are all monsters. It's that the monsters try to blend in with the rest of us.
ReplyDeleteThose that seek the limelight--that need the attention and adulation of those around them--are more likely to be hiding some deep flaw underneath. It's the reason they seek the fame. They need the acceptance of those around them. And to get that, they need to hide that flaw.
It's a vicious cycle. The trick is to pay attention to that feeling in your gut when you meet them. They may seem all sunshine and light on the surface, but you can detect the rot underneath if you're allowing yourself to see and feel.
I thought the Cosby Show was a bunch of crap, but that didn't stop me from watching it. I was a big fan of Cosby's comedy albums and could recite most of the routines when I was a kid. His fall from grace is a terrible blow, but these women should be listened to and Cosby should be forced to atone for his crimes.
ReplyDeleteIt's not just America that can coddle and promote monsters--pretty much every country does the same, especially in our celebrity-obsessed modern age. What's so frightening about Cosby is that he was a ruthless sexual predator who was protected by a few people over the years. Why? For the money, the proximity to fame? And what is the sick deal with his wife? But then look at Sandusky at Penn State and how his wife still insists he's innocent, never mind the parade of young guys who described being sexually assaulted as young boys in the Sandusky basement while the wife was upstairs. For me the truly frightening aspect of monsters is that they always have enablers close to them and that sexual predators can be especially cunning.
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to your list of "good" people around you who proved to be frauds, and on a selfish level I sometimes take comfort in those stories 'cause they make me feel like less of a loser. I may not be rich and famous, but I'm a pretty decent human being, and so are most of the people I know--including you, Mike. Maybe that's because genuinely good people haven't sold their souls to get to a place they didn't deserve. And I cling to decent, kind people like a life raft.
Thank you for saying so, Helena. :)
DeleteI grew up listening to Cosby's comedy and one of the greatest nights of my own adulthood was when I showed our older kids his standup act. We all laughed so hard, and they would repeat his routines over and over.
ReplyDeleteNow I think of them and feel dirty.
As for your family? All families are dysfunctional. We paint these homogenized idealized images of a family because it's what we aspire to, not what we are. I tried for 46 years to maintain at least some illusions of who my dad really was as a person, only to have them come crashing down. After his funeral last year I said to my wife "Well, at least now I don't have to deal with any more family."