An Open Letter To Mom

Dear Mom,

When I was a kid I did something that I still feel bad about today. I know, I'm truly the best one of your kids and am perfect and all that. But seriously, there was this ONE TIME. It's like a black mark on my otherwise spotless record. So, as it's that SPECIAL DAY again, I need to seriously come clear. Like...seriously. So here it is. My confession. One day while you were hard at work at the cake factory  I spied your purse. I knew you were busy.

I looked inside and discovered a $20.00 bill on top. OMG...I thought to myself. This isn't frickin' Monopoly money! I could buy great things with $20.00 like fireworks, raspberry-jelly flavor filled Hostess doughnuts! Tiny collectible rubber band animals because all the cool kids had those! I felt a little like this:

Or maybe more like this. Like, OMG, holy crap, this is $20 frickin' dollars lolamazing...

So I took the money. I was dumb though and the tattle-tell other spawn of yours saw me. I tried to convince her of this:

She blackmailed me into doing all kinds of things or I'd get into trouble. That's what siblings are for, right? But I gotta hand it to her. She really knew how to work it. I was out of my league. :(

So I hid the money away. I figured with no proof...no doughnut crumb trail...no blown fireworks...that I was safe. But ya know, there was a part of me that felt a little bit guilty.  But I had A.D.D. so that didn't last. Rather, I just forgot about it.

I didn't want to forget. I just did. Maybe it was a sign that I'd be forgetting things as I got older. Like important locker combinations at the gym that I've gone to a thousand times and then suddenly I had to have the lock cut off because my brain was occupied with the last episode of the Jersey Shore. You know...important stuff like tanning and pickles!

Yesterday, I went through a box of old toys and found that money hidden in a pencil box along with my spongebob squarepants collectibles. I totally had an episode like this.

It was kinda like Christmas only less spectacular like Hannukkah only for the non-Jewish I guess?. I felt sorry. Like OMG KURT sorry.

But it gave me this great, absolutely fantabulous idea for Mother's Day that all kids want to ask. I just hope you don't have a reaction like this:

So here it is...

CAN I BORROW ANOTHER TWENTY DOLLARS?

Hee hee have a Happy Mother's Day weekend!