This isn't a list I got from somewhere online. Rather, it is my own list that I compiled after looking at Brent Weeks' new fantasy series and finding things that I'm growing tired of. Note that this list is not indicative of his fantasy. Merely...it is indicative of all fantasy that I've read. Read this as "Mike has already seen, read, and done this many times and is ready for something fresh." As a writer, you might possibly spot some red flags in your own writing from a person who is well-versed in the genre.
1) Stop making your villains gay. I hate reading about some horrible evil nasty terrible incarnation of pure evil who is also homosexual while the hero is comfortably heterosexual. And stop doing unnecessary things to male genitalia just to make your villain repulsive. An example of this is in the movie Immortals. Why on earth did Mickey Rourke's character insist on castrating men that worked for him with a huge hammer? There are other ways to be gross.
2) Stop portraying barmaids as sluts with big boobs.
3) Stop portraying dwarves as alcoholics. Not every dwarf in fiction needs to consume huge tankards of ale or beer.
4) Why are all thieves either named "Rat" or have something in common with the animal of the same name?
5) Why are all knights Caucasian? Have a black man or a black woman or a Hispanic as a hero. And having them be a prince is just boring.
6) Why are all elves graceful? Just stop it. Have a clumsy fat elf. And if you're going to use elves...just use them. Don't try to be clever. George R.R. Martin uses "Children of the Forest" and it's just stupid. They are frickin' elves. You're only fooling people into thinking they aren't elves if they haven't read any other fantasy.
7) Why do all male heroes hook up with a woman who is a virgin? Why can't a hero hook up with a woman who's been around the block a few hundred times? Or...even one that's plus-sized or wears a size 14 toga.
8) Heroes having babies. I'm tired of the pregnancy trope. Why can't a hero and a girl get together and say, "Hey...we don't want kids. They're a nuisance and will get in the way of our adventuring." And then have them use magical contraception that religious groups in the world they live in try to pass laws to make them illegal to obtain.
9) All villainous rapists seem to be men. In fantasy, women can be empowered with magic. Why can't they go around raping men and have people badmouth the evil woman rapist?
10) Women as healers. This is always bullshit. How about a man that is a healer and a woman that is the warrior?
11) Single women. Every woman the hero meets is single and available. How about having the hero be already married and the women he meets already married? They just need to get together to do a job. And if they get romantically attracted to each other, then bring on the adultery baby. Does a hero need to be likeable to get the job done? Nope. He or she could still slay a dragon and then cheat on their loving spouse.
12) Multiple volumes consisting of 1000 pages or more. Just stop. No one needs this kind of space to tell a story. No one.
13) Wizards and magic are frowned upon. Oh stop with the closeted wizards that have to "come out". It's getting old. Give me a society where wizards and magic rule everything, have it ruled by women, and men who want to play with swords are the ones that are shunned. But I don't want another "magic school" story. Lev Grossman, J.K. Rowling, and others have beaten this to death.
14) Weak magic. The hero slays a dragon after 500 pages and finds a ring that can turn him invisible. Invisibility sucks. How about a ring that blows up mountains, destroys cities, and turns people into salt pillars? Give me some real powerful sorcery...stuff that destroys armies and summons legions of demons. Think big or go home.
15) The end of the world is prevented. How about it happens and the hero fails and everyone dies? That would be cool.
*End of rant. If you have the time, please check out Briane Pagel's blogfest with writing prompts and Star Wars questions. You can find it HERE.
1) Stop making your villains gay. I hate reading about some horrible evil nasty terrible incarnation of pure evil who is also homosexual while the hero is comfortably heterosexual. And stop doing unnecessary things to male genitalia just to make your villain repulsive. An example of this is in the movie Immortals. Why on earth did Mickey Rourke's character insist on castrating men that worked for him with a huge hammer? There are other ways to be gross.
2) Stop portraying barmaids as sluts with big boobs.
3) Stop portraying dwarves as alcoholics. Not every dwarf in fiction needs to consume huge tankards of ale or beer.
4) Why are all thieves either named "Rat" or have something in common with the animal of the same name?
5) Why are all knights Caucasian? Have a black man or a black woman or a Hispanic as a hero. And having them be a prince is just boring.
6) Why are all elves graceful? Just stop it. Have a clumsy fat elf. And if you're going to use elves...just use them. Don't try to be clever. George R.R. Martin uses "Children of the Forest" and it's just stupid. They are frickin' elves. You're only fooling people into thinking they aren't elves if they haven't read any other fantasy.
7) Why do all male heroes hook up with a woman who is a virgin? Why can't a hero hook up with a woman who's been around the block a few hundred times? Or...even one that's plus-sized or wears a size 14 toga.
8) Heroes having babies. I'm tired of the pregnancy trope. Why can't a hero and a girl get together and say, "Hey...we don't want kids. They're a nuisance and will get in the way of our adventuring." And then have them use magical contraception that religious groups in the world they live in try to pass laws to make them illegal to obtain.
9) All villainous rapists seem to be men. In fantasy, women can be empowered with magic. Why can't they go around raping men and have people badmouth the evil woman rapist?
10) Women as healers. This is always bullshit. How about a man that is a healer and a woman that is the warrior?
11) Single women. Every woman the hero meets is single and available. How about having the hero be already married and the women he meets already married? They just need to get together to do a job. And if they get romantically attracted to each other, then bring on the adultery baby. Does a hero need to be likeable to get the job done? Nope. He or she could still slay a dragon and then cheat on their loving spouse.
12) Multiple volumes consisting of 1000 pages or more. Just stop. No one needs this kind of space to tell a story. No one.
13) Wizards and magic are frowned upon. Oh stop with the closeted wizards that have to "come out". It's getting old. Give me a society where wizards and magic rule everything, have it ruled by women, and men who want to play with swords are the ones that are shunned. But I don't want another "magic school" story. Lev Grossman, J.K. Rowling, and others have beaten this to death.
14) Weak magic. The hero slays a dragon after 500 pages and finds a ring that can turn him invisible. Invisibility sucks. How about a ring that blows up mountains, destroys cities, and turns people into salt pillars? Give me some real powerful sorcery...stuff that destroys armies and summons legions of demons. Think big or go home.
15) The end of the world is prevented. How about it happens and the hero fails and everyone dies? That would be cool.
*End of rant. If you have the time, please check out Briane Pagel's blogfest with writing prompts and Star Wars questions. You can find it HERE.
LOL. Haven't you heard of girl power for YA? I want more bad ass unicorns who prefer adventure to chastity :)
ReplyDeleteI've read a book or two where the hero has a stated plot purpose, and fails miserably at it, consistently, so the next book can be born. Boring . .
Now, read some adult fantasy once in a while . . those hero's have cajunas; and the females are as likely to sever heads - in both regions - if the men are not pleasing.
I hear ya though. I stopped reading fantasy for a lot of years cuz it just go repetitive. Predictable. But, its getting better again.
Trends; they are always changing :)
.......dhole
Ha ha! Awesome list, and you're so right. Although, I think I might be a little guilty of No 2.
ReplyDelete*runs back to look at WIP*
This made me laugh, especially your last point. It's true that a lot of fantasy writers take it too seriously.
ReplyDeleteI know I bang on about him, but check out some Terry Pratchett if you don't read him. He does a great sideways take on fantasy (not to mention everything else). For example, he has a geriatric warrior hero with diamond false teeth, and a band of cronies known as the "Silver Horde". They're hard enough to have survived for years and still be doing it. Logical, but genius and hilarious.
I'm writing an elf who lost an arm and became a brigand into a story right now.
ReplyDeleteIn my first fantasy, the dwarves weren't alcoholics, the most bada$$ warrior was a female, and the hero who falls in love with an elf happens to already be married.
I've never seen a movie where a superhero has a baby.
ReplyDeleteI'm imagining Wonder Woman fitting into her itty bitty costume while 9 months preggies.
Not pretty...
You're too funny... invisibility does suck when there is the possibility of blowing up mountains... yep I'll take that one... zoink...hehe
ReplyDeleteI love your list. Yes, it's nice to read a novel where the characters and plot are the unexpected. Breaking gender and race stereotypes - YES.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I don't write fantasy, because I can't do it differently. Yet.
ReplyDeleteI'm printing this list and putting it up so that I can be reminded of what not to do! LOL
ReplyDeleteThis made me smile but a couple points rang true to my single completed novel. Not to be defensive but when my dwarf giot into a drinking contest he did end up with a hangover. Anyway, I took this to heart and considered having my "Knight" type character ride a pig instead of a battlehorse but it just didn't work. lol
ReplyDeleteTed's book is really good, and it breaks a lot of these tropes.
ReplyDeleteSo it's time to write a story where fat elves, sober dwarves, and black/Hispanic warrior sluts fail to save the world and everyone dies...
ReplyDeleteYour number 10 made me think of Who Fears Death by Nnedi Okorafor. In it the man is the healer because he couldn't pass the initiation to become a sorcerer. The woman he loved (and protagonist) did become a sorcerer. They stay together, but his jealousy is an occasional issue throughout.
ReplyDeleteI really need to read more fantasy...
ReplyDeleteI did actually manage to make numbers eight and ten significant parts of my story, which I think helps set it apart some. My warrior girl can't get pregnant or the adventure would be over. And, no, she isn't giving up sex. :)
Michael, first let me thank you for your offer of helping me with my blog. That is very generous, as you are an aspiring writer and less than two months away from getting published. This can put a lot of pressure as the publishers may want you to write some thing right away.
ReplyDeleteThis blog entry of yours can be very helpful to young writer like Lenny Lee. He is only seven ( or may be eight by now) and he wants to be a writer. May be I will email this entry to him. Thanks for sharing.
HA! I keep hoping for the last one.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm guilty of a couple in The Curse of Gremdon, which you've read. My heroine was virgin, but it was because the plot dictated it, not because she didn't want to be with someone. Ha, on the contrary. ;) My healers are men and my heroine is a warrior, so I did good on that one. Do I pass the test?
ReplyDeleteLove this! I particularly enjoyed #11 through the end.
ReplyDeleteHave you read the Anne Bishop Jewel series? It's not traditional fantasy, so no elves and stuff, but she definitely turns gender roles on their head. You will certainly find women raping men in that one.
Oh, also, Wildefire by Knight. while YA, it does have a sort of attempted women to man rape.
Let's see, All the Windwracked Stars, by Elizabeth Bear opens with Ragnarok and continues as the world dies.
Also, to be fair to Brent Weeks, Durzo Blint hooked up with what's her name, Madame... Anyway, she was a woman in charge and had been around the block more than once. But i hear you loud and clear!
If it makes you feel better, i have a bar maid in my WIP that is missing an eye and teeth. And she seems to be super popular among my crit peeps.
Just want to say again that i loved this. I read it to my sis and she enjoyed it as well. Slow applause of awesomeness for you
ReplyDeleteGreat list! And I don't get the elf thing either. They're either elves or they aren't. And I'm so with you on the 1000+ page books.
ReplyDeleteI don't read a lot of fantasy, but all of this sounds good to me. Especially no more books over 1000 pages. And weak magic. Weak magic is lame.
ReplyDeleteIt does seem like so much fantasy ends up being repetitious. I recently read Terry Brooks' "The Sword of Shannara" and I thought I was reading an exact replica of "The Lord of the Rings."
Great list! I would also add the whole medieval European fantasy setting too.
ReplyDeleteHa! It's funny how Fantasy has its own stereotypes. Can we ever escape being categorized to a group?
ReplyDeleteI wrote a novel one time that had a black sidekick in it. I gave the manuscript to my one and only black friend, who took it saying, "You better not have written about a black 'brother' just so you could bump him off!" I asked for my manuscript back.
ReplyDeleteGood things to keep in mind. (Goes back to WIP and shreds...)
ReplyDeleteSpot on! Many of these are among my own reasons for my own 20-year schism with fantasy literature. I loved it, but couldn't cope with the fact that it all started to be so much the same. I think a book that did all the things on your list would be kickass.
ReplyDeleteLet me add one: a villain who actually uses his brain (i.e., who is aware of the Evil Overlord list--http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html)
I love the list.
ReplyDeleteThere is more info on the Blogfest for Writing here:
http://www.troublewithroy.com/2012/03/writers-wanted-promote-your-book-and.html
Promote your book! Get guaranteed sales! (or, at least, Sale, singular.)
Anyway: I've always thought about how much magic sucks in fantasy series. Gandalf is possibly the most useless wizard I've ever seen: In the Battle of Gondor, WHAT DOES HE DO? Rides around cheering people up.
Harry Potter knows three spells.
Etc.
I, too, share a distaste for most of what you've got here. I once thought of (and I'll share it but please don't steal the idea) a fantasy book based on the least-possible exciting quest EVER. I called it "One Year Bread." In it, a village baker makes bread that takes a year to bake. The king tries it, and orders him to have a loaf of bread ready for the big celebration... EXACTLY ONE YEAR AWAY. But the bread must be at the castle... which it will take a year to get to!
So the hero has to somehow figure out a way to bake his bread on the way to the castle.
It's a work in progress, but I guarantee you there will be a Wizard in this book who is going to have more power than a barrelful of genies.
I can't help but love this. Okay except for the last one because I love a happy ending, although I want it to come about in a surprising way. This list could definitely make my writing better and more original though. Glad you shared.
ReplyDeleteAnd... don't forget Cheesecake Factory on Friday. We're trying to have everyone there by 5:45. No later. Let me know if you won't be able to come or if you decide to bring someone with you. I need to make sure I reserve enough room for all of us :)
What you're saying is you hate the stereotypes of normal life that make their way into the fantasy world. I think it would also be nice to have a really unattractive kick-ass heroine, sort of the jolie laide concept.
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteThat's an awesome list. It even sounds like you may be falling off the Martin bandwagon.
I do have to say that staying away from conventional fantasy tropes is part of why House ended up the way it did. Although, with that one, there was never a possibility of any of the things you have listed here would ever have been in the book.
Speaking of having the bad guy win... it's part of why I didn't dislike No Country for Old Men. Although, the movie still left me dissatisfied, I appreciated the ending. My wife, on the other hand, did not.
Haha! Michael, this list is great. I'm glad that you've shared such peeves, and I think it's safe to say that I've subverted most of this in my own fantasy, especially the gender and racial issues.
ReplyDeleteTotally. Let's mix it up a bit.
ReplyDeleteI think just about everything has been done at one point or another. However, that doesn't give authors free reign to be boring and predictable. Suprises in fiction are fun.
ReplyDeleteThese are great ideas and ways to twist things up. I must bookmark this list.
ReplyDeleteHey Mike,
ReplyDeleteThis isn't my genre, but I love the "venting list"
You should start a series... :)
Nice list :)
ReplyDeleteAs for #3 - Dwarves must consume large quantities of booze. keeps their body temperature up in cold dark mines. Plus, have you ever seen a sober dwarf? Bite your face off., If you're lucky :)
Let's hear it for failing heroes! Thanks for the much-needed gut-rupturing laughs today, Michael.
ReplyDeleteI love this list! Though I wonder if an author did write a story that bucked several cliches, would the fantasy audience still read it?
ReplyDeleteLove the list. You would probably like Tamora Pierce's "Trickster's Choice" and "Trickster's Queen" She tends to avoid most of these blunders in pretty much all of her books. [The villians are usually pretty insane, though.]
ReplyDeleteI get tired of reading about perfect characters all of the time. Why can't they have weight issues? Pimples? Why can't there be a mix of people.
ReplyDeleteGreat list. I was giggling the entire time.
ReplyDeleteAMEN BROTHA!
ReplyDeleteagree with 1, don't agree with 6 :) We Elven people are always graceful and elegant :PPP
ReplyDeleteI am happy to say that I think you would enjoy my fantasy novels very much. Man healers and women warriors ... check! :)
ReplyDeleteExcellent list! Time for some changes.
ReplyDeleteYour list is so funny, and I don't even read or know much about fantasy novels. But it sounds like you could write a funny and compelling "anti-fantasy" fantasy novel.
ReplyDeleteNice list. I especially like your call out of Martin. I made it to the middle of book 4 before I gave up in frustration. His series is the Twilight of the fantasy genre. Lots of words but most of them are meaningless. I hope HBO has good editors because the further you go into the series the worse it gets.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny. I think if a single book implemented all 15 of your suggestions it wouldn't be recognizable as fantasy to a lot of people. People want what's familiar, even if they criticize it. Something that ignores so many tropes would probably get a lot of hate from fantasy readers.
ReplyDeleteUnless, or course, it was brilliant. In which case there would be a thousand books just like it within a few weeks on Amazon.
This is one of my favorite posts! LOL. So funny and terribly true.
ReplyDeleteYou've been tagged to join the Great Star Wars Blogathon! Details here: http://www.troublewithroy.com/2012/03/so-you-say-youve-got-this-idea-on-how.html
ReplyDeletejust completing 'the way of kings', book 1 of brandon sanderson's 'the stormlight archive', at 1252 pages, worth every page... and i'm sure the others will be, as well
ReplyDeletesanderson is so good, he was tagged to complete robert jordan's 'the wheel of time' series...
yeah, read some terry pratchett, l.e. modesitt, patrick rothfuss, and even andre norton, among many others... writer of 'the mists of avalon' being one of the better ones [i forget her name]
then there's this canadian [i forget his name, too] picked to co-write, with tolkien's kid, some of what the old man did not have time to complete ...google for his name... another good writer of fantasy
quit sniveling, if the book still sucks by page two, it's your fault for not researching the writer before you bought the book - many, like you point out, are shitty
give me a break from all the goddamn 'vampire' bullshit - like my sis used to say, 'too much is more than enough'...
as for your list, i agree - with most of it....
#8 with the magical contraception is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI don't read a lot of hard fantasy because I can't get past the opening pages describing the beautiful, beautiful heroine and her exciting, exotic lineage, not to mention the freaking crazy-ass names with too many vowels or consonants. But ... people who like their fantasy a certain way must really like it that way!
I agree with every single point. I even agree with the knights being princes comment, although I may be a little guilty of that one ().
ReplyDeleteIn my WIP two of my characters are princes at the beginning, but they don't stay that way for long.
Anyways nice to meet you. As hello gift you've been tagged in the Lucky 7 meme. Details are here:
http://sorchanr.blogspot.com/2012/03/hi-there-nick-wilford-me-in-lucky-7.html
Hahahahahaha I reaaaaally think you're going to love the Doorways series. I had fun doing a lot of those things that you suggested.
ReplyDelete:-D
everything I read the bad guys always lose and the good guys always get the beautiful woman who was waiting the whole time for her prince. I wouldn't waste my time reading fantasy.
ReplyDeleteI am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.
i need more male perspective.
I'm no writer but I loved number seven. And it's so true. That and number 11 some crime writers do so brilliantly. Example Karin slaughter and Patricia cornwell.
ReplyDeleteMissed this earlier, been a little out of touch with my 'horse crisis'.
ReplyDeleteLove your list. I'm especially with you on 2,7,12 and 14.
My Far Away Series has a male healer #10. Glad to hear that I broke out of the norm. Ha!
LOVED this rant! Thank you. Although my current MS has a sworswoman as my MC, I think it would be fun to write about a magic society where sword-bashers are shunned, dwarves are intellectuals, and elves are fat . . .possibly wearing togas. Your rant is inspiration for creativity . . and I agree 1,000 word novels are overdone, clunky, and out of date.
ReplyDeleteThis is a brilliant list. Yes, to everything!
ReplyDeleteHa! I have to disagree with the rapist one. I think woman could use their superpowers for evil, but that's just against our nature. And I'm sorry to say, knights were white men, and honestly, they can have it. Didn't those guys fight in the Crusades? Who wants credit for perpetuating the dark ages and bringing down science in the Muslim world. They were kind of jerks.
ReplyDelete