When it comes to the Insecure Writer's Support Group, I don't know if I necessarily have insecurities left to express that haven't been aired in all their glory in previous months. But each time I think I've plumbed the depths of my self introspection, I find one more thing that I'd like to talk about. This month, it's about why we all write and then answering that question for me so that all of you know. Because what drives me changes over time, but it began in a fairly ignoble place. So to begin, I think I'm going to use a picture...a picture that sums up most of the reasons people may turn to writing as a form of self expression, and maybe at the end of this you'll leave a comment as to why you write.
I believe the simple reasons scrawled across the note above, left by some anonymous author in the past. After all, some of us have stories that we just need to tell. That's true. But what's also true is that others want to help people with their life experience, or they want to be whistle-blowers and expose the truth for everyone in order to protect society from some greater harm. Some of us immerse ourselves in fiction, others non-fiction, and yet others express themselves through journalism or blogging. I'm a combination of many of these things, but when I think about why I made a push to be professional about it I find other reasons staring back at me.
One of the things that drove me into writing initially was a frustration of being invisible to an entire community, and I was in this kind of needy narcissistic state that grew from a place of very little attention to wanting to do something in which people paid attention to me. I still find that the most attractive trait in a person I meet is their ability to listen. For me, this trait has been more difficult to find than it seems to be with others (or maybe I'm just oblivious to how people get others to listen to them). It seems like every person that I get introduced to wants to dominate a conversation about themselves, so either I'm naturally attracted to people like this because I'm a good listener (and the whole world knows it), or the world at large is changing and more people every day are not upholding the conversational agreement which is: I will listen to you 50% of the time if you listen to me 50% of the time. It sounds like a reasonable request, but I know more than just a few examples of people that expect you to listen 90% of the time, and then pretty much tune you out whenever you open your mouth to speak. They may stay quiet for a minute, but soon find a way to talk over you or alternately end the conversation so that they can leave.
So why does this happen to me? Well it could be environmental factors, but I could also be to blame. I've come to grow a little wiser with time, and I feel that I can now say that I've had quite a few successes in life. But, I've also failed a ton. I think my writing originally grew from out of this failure, to get a notion of what it feels like to achieve all that I failed to achieve. It grew out of a natural condition for people to ignore those who fail, because our society is one that upholds the successes in life. Also, at the ripe old age of 43, I write so that I can experience all the things that I've failed to experience. I've never been to England or New York City, but it doesn't mean that I can't go there in a book. Life is expensive, and I'm not rich, and some things I want to do were kind of off the table for a long time. Finally, I think I'm comfortable saying that I continue to write so that I may be all that I failed to be.
Meeting and connecting with all of you successful authors out there who are selling tons of your books has been a wonderful experience for me. Not only has it been eye-opening in the deeper sense that I'm part of a community that is familiar with the concepts of struggle and failure. But it has also taught me that there are many others who share my experience of living in the shadows of some very tall trees.
I'm listening! (or reading rather...)
ReplyDeleteNo worries it's late!
ReplyDeleteWrite to be all you failed to be. I know what you mean, but it sounds sad that way.
And it's not just you. People in general just like to talk about themselves and when you give them an opportunity to do so, will ramble on. They don't ask questions or take an interest in the person they're talking to. I even took a week once and tested that theory - every conversation, I only asked questions and didn't volunteer anything about myself unless asked. During that week, do you know how many people asked about me? None. Not one single person. Rather sad, isn't it?
You are not invisible here. I am listening. (Or, like Ted said, reading...)
I can relate to your feeling of living in the shadows. I've felt invisible most of my life until I started writing and put myself out there more. I've never been much of a talker and I suck at small talk, etc, so writing is an amazing outlet for me.
ReplyDeleteGood post, Michael, telling it like it is in the way you do. I came back to writing for different reasons that you, but just as ignoble. I started writing articles to make money. Of course, my stories are about wanting to be heard. I guess, at the root of things, we all have the same desires.
ReplyDeleteI was taught that silence is golden, and every word I needed or wanted to utter as a child was denied. Now I write what ever the hell I want. Those words pour out and I put them down, and read or not - I will no longer be silenced!
ReplyDeleteI am so tongue tied in a confrontation that I prefer to write my argument on paper, and I do. Sadly though, most of my truth is written anonymously. For while I can write what I feel, I still can't deal with the repercussions of others hateful words. Damaged but dealing - writing gives me a voice and it's why I'm still here.
Great post! Keep writing!
All writers are needy and narcissistic.
ReplyDeleteI wish you would elaborate on this thought.
DeleteYou may be on to something there. A lot of writers are introverts and probably make better observers/listeners than they do talkers. Not all, of course. Some are the life of the party and are comfortable doing it. But the rest of us likely do better expressing ourselves in writing. I can say exactly what I want without interruption. Oh, and revise it if I say something really stupid. :P
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking a lot recently about a study that showed that writing about a traumatic experience helped people process it and move on. So I think that some of the reason we write is to explain our own stories to ourselves -- either to preserve memories or just to weave a narrative structure in which to understand them.
ReplyDeleteWhen you write for the public, you may be doing a different kind of writing. When you write for other people to read it, that may be different. But if you do any kind of personal journaling, that may be a kind of personal memoir in which to understand your own life.
Just some thoughts...
A song for you:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajVoeX4eqIQ
Mostly, I write because I want to and because I'm good at it.
Great song selection, Andrew. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI had a difficult childhood. Like you I was ignored and marginalized, so I became a jester and entertainer to draw attention to myself. This merged into an interest to create art and later writing, but the desire to entertain has never left me.
ReplyDeleteHow interesting. I seem to keep finding people who insist I talk, and I find I have nothing to say. Wanna trade?
ReplyDeleteI like what Alex had to say in his comment, and if you combine his experience with yours and mine a pattern emerges. I'm older than you, and people even older than me often complain about the dying art of conversation; I've certainly noticed the changes over the years. I adore great conversations, but they're increasingly hard to come by. And yes, not only do I meet too many people who talk ad nauseum about themselves, they boast and self-promote shamelessly. Whatever happened to having a self-deprecating sense of humor?
ReplyDeleteThere was this one college class I took where I had to participate in group conversations as part of the grade. It was so hard. I felt like I was interrupting the whole time. Really had to push myself. It was torture, but I managed to pass. I'm mostly a listener. But if someone won't let me get a word in edge wise...I tend to avoid those people.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to believe that you could have ever been invisible in your community. If you were, then writing must be some kind of magic, as so many people know you now.
ReplyDeleteWhy do I write ? I write when I see an issue. Also I write to help improve things in this world and help make it better,