Eight reasons why you should drop what you are doing and go see Kingsman: The Secret Service

I (like most of America) went and saw Fifty Shades of Grey. But I don't want to talk about Fifty Shades. I want to talk about Kingsman: The Secret Service, because I saw it twice this weekend and really want to go again soon. WARNING: SPOILERS ARE AHEAD.

Some of you probably know that Kingsman: The Secret Service is a comic book by Mark Millar. But if you didn't, or if for some reason you are not a fan of comic books, you should put all your prejudice aside and go see this extremely fun movie. Why? Let me count the ways in which it is awesome:

• The violence is gratuitous, hypnotic, crazy and wonderful. People's heads explode like fireworks done to the British anthem. With Vaughn at the helm, the action is pure gun-kata, which is basically Batman + guns divided by karate--a formula that creates pure win.
  
• The nods to Bond are crazy good. The villain is Samuel L. Jackson with a lisp. Think about that for a moment at the awesome that is Samuel L. Jackson when he says, "Shoot that mother f*cker now!" with a lisp? There is no one that can drop "mother f*cker like Samuel L. Jackson. He can't stand the sight of blood, but he's a mass murderering insane billionaire, and his assistant in true Bond style is an athletic woman with prosthetic legs capable of amputating limbs and lopping off heads with a single blow. Odd Job and Jaws got nothing on Valentine's assistant.
• The great gadgets are full frontal! A bulletproof umbrella that is also a gun with many different effects, a watch that can render someone unconscious and give them amnesia, a cigarette lighter that's also a grenade, a H.A.L.O. balloon rig that can shoot down a satellite, a pair of oxford shoes that have knives in them coated with lethal neurotoxin, a fountain pen that can dispense poison that remains dormant in the system unless a switch is activated, a SIM card that makes people crazy so that they beat each other to death, and on and on and on. WOW! I was breathless.
  
• Taron Egerton. Hands down the best eye-candy in the world. He's replaced Chris Evans at the top of my list (sorry Chris). Colin Firth is very handsome too. Even aside from the eye candy aspect of Eggsy, he's a really good person. For example, he won't shoot his puppy like the other candidate did. Seriously, if that doesn't make you love the character nothing will. What put Taron on top though is his accent...which leads me to...
• British accents. They are everywhere and they are glorious. When Harry (Colin Firth) turns to a crazy church goer in this movie's homage to the Westboro Baptists and responds to "where are you going?" in thick British (and wearing a proper suit), "Madame, I'm a Catholic going to visit my black Jewish Boyfriend whom I have sexual congress with outside of wedlock who works in an abortion clinic. Hail Satan." It's delivered with the bravado that only the British can muster. And of course it precedes the most incredible display of psychotic violence I've seen outside a Tarantino film.
• It breaks the fourth wall. Kingsman is a carefully constructed film that walks the fine line between absurdity and seriousness by having a complete blast with all of its tropes. It's literally a rollercoaster ride, even when consuming McDonald's cheeseburgers at a billionaire sit down dinner.
• Knights of the Round Table! All of the Kingsman are knights of the round table. There's Lancelot, Arthur, Percivale, Galahad, and on and on. They even have a Merlin. Arthurian knights as British spies just convince me that all of the best spies in fiction are British.

So those are eight reasons why you should drop what you are doing and go see Kingsman: The Secret Service. However, if you need more, maybe you should watch the clip below.