"How's it goin?" I ask.
"It iz going," Ms. Tortured Artist replies.
"Good. Good. Are you joining the A to Z challenge?" I ask. "I'm gonna have a Pixar theme with goofy dancing gifs!"
"Pleaze. I am a real writer. Real writerz...they do not do thiz thing...theezze childish blog memez and blog awardz. I only put thingz on my webzite that speak of my writingz...which no one in ze werld has zeen before. I bare my zoul, and people will someday know I am ze next Ztephanie Meyer. I am ze next Zuzanne Collinz."
"Oh. Well in the meantime, you don't have a job right now and have plenty of time. Since you're a nobody like me, maybe you could do these memes and participate so people don't view you as stuck up. You know...kinda like working at Wal-Mart is beneath you even though there's lots of people that work at Wal-Mart."
Ms. Tortured Artist glares at me. "I'm not ztuck up! I'm just mizunderztood. My writing...it evokez pazzion. A young woman...she lozes her first love to the zea, but he comez back...only zhe iz in love with another. He comez back from the zea for her."
"Ah! Mermaids. I love great mermaid stories. There's a gazillion of those. I read one where--"
"--HOW DARE YOU? It iz notz mermaidz! How dare you dizzmizz it az if someone haz written thiz before!?"
I swallow. "Uhh...There's something like 900 mermaid stories alone on Goodreads..."
"When I get an agent. When I getz my book deal. You will all zee. You will all be jealouz of my zuccezz. I zhall be famouz! And it iz you who will ztill be doing theze memez while I am zigning bookz for my fanz. No one can write like me!"
*****
Don't forget to sign-up for the A to Z challenge ladies and gents. There's only a few days left. Unless...ahem...of course you are the Tortured Artist. Then I wish you well with your massive agent and book deal plans. But let's be honest, if you were the Tortured Artist, chances are you wouldn't even be visiting my website as that would be "beneath" you. :P If you don't know where the sign-up is, click the button on the right sidebar. It will take you to Alex J. Cavanaugh's website and from there, it's easy peasy.
Not sure if you were going for a French sort of accent in your post, but I chuckled when you wrote "...easy peasy" because the French would translate that to "deux doigts dans le nez" or "two fingers in the nose." There's some beautiful imagery right there! I'm still debating over the A to Z challenge, afraid of rushing some of the posts just to get them in there and doing a crap job… But I’d hate to be called a "Tortured Artist"…ohhh the peer pressure!!!! (:
ReplyDeleteI was going for smart ass. :) Thanks for visiting.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great interview!!!
ReplyDeleteZat's strangez. I don't remember you interviewing me in zat cafe but eet eez my voice for surez. Yet I'z vizitings you and whotz iz more I'z taking partz in the A to Zzzz.
ReplyDelete(See you next week ;-)
I'm doing it for the first time and have written ahead. I don't worry so much about writing all my posts. I don't know how I'll add more reading time to visit other blogs!
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're still stressing about the posts, aren't you? Got most of them done?
Looking forward, but I have not prepared a single word:)
ReplyDeleteMermaidz! A girl from Atlantis living in the inner city. A fish out of water story. In 3D!
ReplyDeleteI have half of my AZ posts roughly drafted. Going to get them all done this weekend.
mood
Awesome! I wonder if there are any tortured mermaids you could interview?
ReplyDeleteI have a third of my posts done but they're all about 3 sentences each for easy (peasy) reading. :)
I've had mine done for like a week now.
ReplyDeleteHeh. I definitely know some peeps like this.
ReplyDeleteBUT, that said, i'm still passing. I am just swamped right now. And i'm already having a hard time visiting other people's blogs and participating in the A to Z would just make that worse. So, i will be checking your blogs with regularity, but will be sticking with my three posts a week while i try to smooth my life out some.
Funny post. If you are stressed out, like Alex states, well you're not alone. I'm so behind on my posts, it's not funny. Yikes!
ReplyDeleteDoing A to Z - yes. Tortured by it - yes. Wondering why I signed on - yes. Talk to me May 1. Better yet - stop by and talk me through it.
ReplyDeleteFun post.
I can't imagine keeping up with the A to Z thing. My hats off to the bloggers that manage to pull it off.
ReplyDeleteLoved it! A-Z...why couldn't it have been a week long challenge say A-G? I'm fretting already.
ReplyDeleteI was going to try this year, but we have spring break during April and wouldn't be able to post every day. Good luck with it.
ReplyDeleteI've signed up for the challenge but I haven't prepared any posts. Somewhere I have a list of possible topics. Somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed your conversation with Ms. Tortured Artist. The smart ass came through loud and clear.
That's a lot of peer pressure to put on someone! I don't want all the cool kids to think I'm not cool. Wait, is the Tortured Artist the cool kid, here? I'm so confused.
ReplyDeleteThere may be 900 mermaid stories on Goodreads, but are there 900 ZOMBIE Mermaids Living In The Middle Ages And Also Dancing With The Stars?
I thought not. My book proposal is still unique.
I don't know what the A To Z blogging challenge is. I know I could click that link to go find out about it and take part in it and probably make lots of friends and have lots of fun...
I sort of lost my point in arguing why I won't be doing that.
It's not so much that I'm tortured as that I'm antisocial.
Are you sure that wasn't a queen bee you were talking to?
ReplyDeleteAnd I have to say your tortured artist doesn't aspire very high, does she?
I did it last year and it was a lot of fun. This year things like work *cough* and unexpected upheavals have me overloaded.
ReplyDeleteYou're cracking me up! I know people like that! ;)
ReplyDeleteThat was lots of fun. I didn't take part the last two years, because I considered myself above it. :)
ReplyDeleteYOU! ARE! HILARIOUZZZZZZZZZ!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure April will pass in a daze with the numbers of people signed up for the challenge.
ReplyDeleteYou need to have Ms. Tortured Artist send me some of that confidence and pizazz. :D
*laughs* That was great!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm so looking forward to the A to Z Challenge. Now I just have to finish up my posts. :)
I had a great time with it last year, and I wish you and the other 1,000+ participants well!
ReplyDeleteI think Tortured Artist should be a regular contributor.
ReplyDeleteI think we actually had a few tortured artists cave and join us in the Challenge. Why not exchange one torture for another?
ReplyDeleteLee
An A to Z Co-Host
Tossing It Out
you ARE mentioning me under D and H? Yes? That's the AZ law and if you don't do it, you will be arrested :)
ReplyDeleteMy french friend taught me how to say "And what, is my ass made of chicken?" in french. Apparently, it's something her father would say all the time.
ReplyDeleteWe artists and authors all torture ourselves at time, but those people who really embrace it as an identity get so boring fast.
This was hilarious! Whaddya mean, it was serious... ;-)
ReplyDeleteI have nearly all my posts written and scheduled, and I've been having a great time doing it. I'm looking at this as a fun thing to do, not a mega-earthshatterer.
I learned a lot of things as I researched my posts, including how very difficult it is to find a "Y" word that fits my theme. Next year, my theme will fit to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, and will consist of one letter per post. Then I bet I'll come up with something for every letter!!! Easy peasy.
;-)
P.S. I did find a Y by the way.
I'm not doing the A to Z challenge, but not because I consider myself a tortured artist (if anything, I'm the other end of that spectrum). It's hard enough for me to skip blogging days. (Not posting on Monday? Torture.)
ReplyDeleteRather, I've been focusing on not spending all my time on the Internet. Now, if it was permissible to skip days (making sure to post on the correct letter of the days I did post), then I'd be in.
Sorry for the lengthy explanation. I felt like I had to explain why I was just going to cheer you all on from the sidelines.
LOL!
ReplyDeleteMichael, I knew you were brilliant, but I didn't know you were a comedian too! Hahaha... that, my friend, was stinkin' hilarious.
Thanks for the entertainment ;)
I have to go back and read a weeks blogs as our internet and phone were both not working ( some mistake made by Verizon) and I do not have a smart phone.
ReplyDeleteYou are quite a writer. It will be fun with A to Z. I am going to follow Alex's advise and keep it short.
Take care
Kudos to all that are doing the A-Z challenge. I'm not snooty, I just don't have the stamina!
ReplyDeleteYou made me giggle... too funny...
ReplyDeleteOkay, okay. Despite my better sense, I have decided to sign up. I don't know how I'm going to do this, and I pray I don't lose my sanity with all that is going on (outside of my blogging life).
ReplyDeleteBut what's a challenge if it's not a real challenge?
I've tortured myself by signing up for the A to Z Challenge. I've prewritten my posts up to T. 6 to go. I hope to finish by Sunday.
ReplyDeleteWeeeellll, I'm not doing A-Z but I am doing NaPoWriMo which means I'll be posting a poem everyday for 30 days (bet you won't get tired of that ;P). And I'll be sure to read all your posts, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm in! Stopping by from today's A-Z challenge post. I'm following :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you meant it about the goofy dancing gifs. I'm looking forward to them.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, let me say, I love sarcasm and smart asses (if you check out my blog, you'll see that). I love that you addressed how snooty and pretentious writers can be even when all they have written is a college midterm paper. Looking forward to reading more. And I agree with Sarah; hope you post dancing gifs.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the chuckle. I've met a few to many of these 'writers' over the years!
ReplyDeleteLx
Oh I enjoyed this! Great way to start my morning. It's 6:45am here. I will be back to your blog during the challenge!
ReplyDeleteLuna