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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Do Not Trust Space Monsters People. They Eat Radiation for Breakfast!

This is the new logo chosen by the International
Atomic Energy Agency in 2007. You can see
here that they are clearly concerned with space
monsters. It's a spacecraft shooting death rays
at a pirate flag and a stick figure. The message
is clear: Do Not Trust Space Monsters.
The top story of any hour is going to be the ongoing cooling attempts at the badly damaged Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant in Japan along with growing fears of radiation. People are good to fear radiation. I mean, in high doses it's deadly, right?  But even worse, it could turn you into a monster that destroys cities.

My proof is all the literature and film that arose in the fifties (a great era of radiation-induced creativity):

Here's a list of the monsters I've come up with so far:

Godzilla defeating a terrible monster!
Godzilla and his buds on Monster Island (a very cool place if I must say so myself). You know, Godzilla can breathe fire and his spine lights up like a Christmas tree when he does so. Not only is it festive, but if you're a smoker and were friends with this guy, you'd never be without a light. But if that wasn't enough to make you think that he's badass, he also subscribes by the idiom "Size Matters" which is totally how every guy think, right? That, and the special effects that brought Godzilla into being still hold up to today's standards. Just look at the .gif I included for you viewing pleasure. I know it inspires you to go off right now and create your own radiation inspired bad guy.

My face looks like
pizza.
The Incredible Melting Man (radiation from Saturn's rings).  Not only did it cause this guy to melt but it also gave him the craving for human flesh. That's so unbelievably cool...how come no one has used it since then?

Monster From Green Hell (again radiation from outer space).

Night of the Living Dead (radiation from a returning Venus probe).

Quatermass Experiment (An astronaught infected with living radiation).

Island of the Burning Doom (although radiation was used to kill the creatures it also was used to create them in the first place).

Hulk Smash! Did you really expect me to say
anything else here?
The Magnetic Monster.

The Island of Terror.

The Atomic Kid.

Spider-Man.  Let's not forget the radioactive spider (this still counts) that turned non-assuming pretty boy Peter Parker from a Justin Bieber to the web-slinging hero of New York City.

The Incredible Hulk (gamma radiation turned Bruce Banner into a green freak). That and muscles are just cool...afterall, guys that read comic books have no chance of getting them anyway. It makes total sense that radiation would be the answer.

Edward Cullen. Vampires sparkle. This is scientific proof that he is a radiation monster. If you don't believe me, there's a discussion going on right now at this link about whether or not the Incredible Hulk could beat Edward Cullen (one radiation monster slugging it out with another). In my professional opinion, Hulk wins.
Hulk is angry cause he's ugly.
Do you write about monsters? If so, where do they come from? Hopefully this post inspires you to churn out stories of radiation pickled monsters galore!
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12 comments:

  1. Margo BerendsenMarch 17, 2011 at 10:16 AM

    This awesome! I didn't realize there were so many radiation inspired monsters and Edward! Of COURSE! The secret is OUT!

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  2. PT DillowayMarch 17, 2011 at 10:28 AM

    Radioactive monsters is one thing I've not done. My superhero got her powers from magic, which requires so much less explanation. How can she turn invisible, jump far, and climb walls? MAGIC, stupid! See, took one word.

    I remember seeing some of those old Japanese monster movies repeated on TV in the '80s. The original American release of Godzilla is funny because of the way they splice Raymond Burr into the story just so there would be an American character. The 1998 American version was such a freaking travesty though.

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  3. Kerri CuevMarch 17, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    So that is the secret to the sparkle and I thought Edward was glue and glittered by a bunch of pre-schoolers.

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  4. Michael Offutt, Phantom ReaderMarch 17, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    I'm totally inspired now to write a story with Johnny Quest-type characters that takes place on some remote-island where radiation has created super-monsters that do wrestling moves and throw each other into mountains.

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  5. Golden EagleMarch 17, 2011 at 12:22 PM

    Edward as a radiation monster--well, that would explain the sparkles. :P

    ReplyDelete
  6. D. U. OkonkwoMarch 17, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    Ha ha! Big green monsters :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Theresa MilsteinMarch 17, 2011 at 4:29 PM

    I wish we had monsters who could eat those nuclear power plants in Japan.

    I've written about vampires and werewolves. My vampire teen's mother was bitten with pregnant. The venom got passed to my protagonist, so when she nears adulthood she'll turn into a vampire. 'Til then, she's getting strange symptoms. I didn't think to make her eat radiation though.

    That Cullen picture is too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Angela ScottMarch 17, 2011 at 8:41 PM

    Wow, lots of radioactive monsters. Poor Japan. With everything going on they don't need a radioactive giant lizard. Amazing how we can use technology to create evil.

    I do have monsters--zombies--but they're not radioactive by any means. They're zombie's set back in the wild, wild west, so not radiation.

    Oh, I hate Twilight, yet the sparkly Edward was cool.

    ~Angela

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  9. Charlie PulsipherMarch 17, 2011 at 10:21 PM

    You forgot the giant radioactive ants. I loved watching them crawl all over buildings eating people and such after an experiment involving giant vegetables. So how radiation works by the way.

    I have dragons, deadly goat-cats, and an evil spidery void monster, but they all have to do with (spoilers-this content deleted) and not radiation. Too bad really.

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  10. UnknownMarch 18, 2011 at 8:29 AM

    Always knew there was something odd about that Cullen boy ... :-)

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  11. Laura M. CampbellMarch 18, 2011 at 8:30 AM

    I think Edward Cullen, not Robert Pattinson, might be a contender with The Hulk. Although The Hulk has bulging muscles, Edward has inhuman speed and strength. Oh, yeah and the sparkles...since they can only be seen on a sunny day, he could use them to temporarily blind The Hulk. I'd pay to see them duke it out.

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  12. HowLynnTimeMarch 18, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    You really should treat yourself to the better quality - that rotgut will end you dude! LOL - you are off jumpin sharks again!
    My Monsters are not radio active - unless at the route 66 drive in - It's radio active.

    My vampire just got not pretty - he's wrapped up in bandages - so hes a Mummy-pire right now.

    The mermaids are the bad guys -
    The afrits are in a spot of trouble.
    The angels are always disgusted about something ...
    Nobody is radiated but if you want to know what makes them all glow - it's the almost hook ups and the near sharing - and joy -boy that makes the little suckers candle up!

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