tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post3260109619966958696..comments2024-03-22T12:11:58.453-06:00Comments on Michael Offutt: I'm trying to reach a personal improvement goal by telling people I am glad to help but I am not The Help.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-80246142103003481352019-02-21T17:32:35.864-07:002019-02-21T17:32:35.864-07:00Boundaries are good! They are hard to maintain som...Boundaries are good! They are hard to maintain sometimes.<br /><br />I have been on both sides of that "help" cycle. There are definitely benefits to not always being the help. People who are there just to use your talents will go away, and more than likely find someone else to use. Some of these people never learn.<br /><br />Not long ago my kids stopped doing anything for me with electronics. "FIgure it out Mom, like I do," they said. So I eventually did. I'm pleased with myself, and I would not have learned without that push. So I used the same incentive on them when they consistently wanted me to cook, clean, do their laundry, hand over my hard earned cash, file their taxes. Just stuff these grown ups need to learn for themselves. Its an ongoing exchange, lol.<br /><br />Good for you to be setting some boundaries though. You gotta pick your battles, and once you start standing up for yourself, you'll acquire better social, and work, circles. Not taking personal responsibility has become the norm in this world. Us hard workers need to re-educate the users.dolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-11656856892747443672019-02-20T10:40:39.336-07:002019-02-20T10:40:39.336-07:00Two thoughts:
1. Good for you. Yes, there is goi...Two thoughts: <br /><br />1. Good for you. Yes, there is going to be blow back as people who were used to counting on you to do their stuff don't have you to do it anymore. They'll just have to adjust. I bet you resented the hell out of them, and they thought all was well in the relationship. Those that adjust are friends. Those that don't... You're well rid of them. <br /><br />2. This role has traditionally been taken up by women, especially in the workplace. The emotional labor. Who is the one who organizes birthday cards and cakes at work? Who traditionally would take the minutes when no one else would? And it happens in many homes where the female partner would remember birthdays and events. If this stuff was shared more equally, maybe it would get done. But it's not, so set your boundaries, and if someone really wants it done, they can do it themselves.Liz A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16531953467834426316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-27963564479083870032019-02-20T07:39:07.624-07:002019-02-20T07:39:07.624-07:00Popular culture tells us to work hard and help peo...Popular culture tells us to work hard and help people but there are a lot who see that as a weakness they can exploit. When I worked for a UAW program one guy told me not to go looking for things to do because then they'll dump stuff on you, so basically just do your shit and don't worry about anyone else's. But when you're on the bottom of the ladder that is hard to do.PT Dillowayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09394481476862013009noreply@blogger.com