tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post6257598891926531960..comments2024-03-22T12:11:58.453-06:00Comments on Michael Offutt: Why does no one point out that there can be some spectacular and horrifying consequences to saying no?Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-88668016545360420882017-11-09T11:27:39.783-07:002017-11-09T11:27:39.783-07:00Do we have to deal with the negative fallout of ou...Do we have to deal with the negative fallout of our noes? I wonder how many innocent bystanders bear the brunt of these temper tantrums. What I'm saying is that the recipient of our noes may go and take their pain out on someone else. Liz A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16531953467834426316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-7585930811417018222017-11-08T23:29:14.340-07:002017-11-08T23:29:14.340-07:00Your coworker who mentioned the lack of empathy in...Your coworker who mentioned the lack of empathy in our society told some truth. On the one hand, we've seen people travel hundreds of miles on their own dime to help out strangers after a hurricane. But then we also see our society emphasize rugged individualism and ignoring our fellow creatures. And ignoring people is a cruel version of rejection and saying no a thousand times.<br /><br />One element that's been overlooked, when talking about all the anger in our society, is that anger is very often (especially in men) a symptom of depression. What is the source of depression? It's different for each person, sometimes difficult to treat, and dangerous for the people suffering from it and even people beyond their personal hells.<br /><br />I wish I had an answer or a cure for these problems.Helenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14967821142796562697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-72339145444029010472017-11-08T18:55:26.624-07:002017-11-08T18:55:26.624-07:00Hey Liz. Thanks for commenting. So we’ll have to a...Hey Liz. Thanks for commenting. So we’ll have to agree to disagree. I do agree with you that we cannot control how people will take our no. But I definitely disagree if you’re saying that we don’t have to deal with negative fallout as a result. I don’t think negative fallout cares one bit for your feelings or attitude. It’s the bus that just comes out of nowhere and splats all over you. You get no control, and deal with it you must. I also am not saying we should live in fear. I’m saying that fear is healthy, can tell you when something is wrong, and is a useful emotion. You should never allow fear to dictate action or decisions, but to simply say, “I am not afraid” I think is ignorant. Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-74045515348740231792017-11-08T17:13:01.391-07:002017-11-08T17:13:01.391-07:00So, what you're saying is that if we choose to...So, what you're saying is that if we choose to say no to something, we may have to deal with negative fallout from the person we are saying no to. Do I have it? <br /><br />I disagree. While we should pay attention to saying no kindly and with compassion, we are not and cannot be held responsible for how people take our no. We can only control what we do. We cannot control what someone else does no matter how much discourse we put into the idea of what people should or should not be doing. <br /><br />People have wildly different reactions to the same stimulus. If you're interviewing four people for a job, three of them won't get it. One may be grateful. She had another, better job lined up, but she was applying for this job because a friend asked her to. Another might be disappointed, but might find out that he doesn't agree with the company's core beliefs later. And the third might be angry. So, he gets a gun and shoots up the place. Should he have gotten the job? Was his anger justified? <br /><br />We can't live in fear that saying no to someone might turn into a massacre. People who think that going off on a group of people for "disrespecting" them haven't figured out how to live in society. And yes, this has become a problem because these people are really acting out with this gun thing. But that doesn't make it up to us to coddle these people to try to stave off the terrible.<br /><br />OK, this is way too long, and I think I've lost my point. And I may have misinterpreted yours. Peace.Liz A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16531953467834426316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-37310345567340904202017-11-08T15:16:47.280-07:002017-11-08T15:16:47.280-07:00A co-worker read my post and was intrigued by it. ...A co-worker read my post and was intrigued by it. She summarized better what I was trying to say here, and that is that empathy is no longer a focus for our country. It's important to be able to empathize with another person, to feel their situation, and how a "no" could possibly impact their life. She said she's noticed it too...that we have become a self-absorbed society. Of course she blames our leadership and the fact that they tout "America First." How self-absorbed is that. She brought up that saying "no" to nations asking for help or asking for treaties is bound to have consequences that we cannot foresee. But right now, the United States has no empathy (or very little). Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-41210597648618347252017-11-08T12:42:03.173-07:002017-11-08T12:42:03.173-07:00No, I didn't miss your point. I'm saying t...No, I didn't miss your point. I'm saying that it does no good to appease people to avoid consequences if you, then, have to suffer those same consequences, which is very often the result when dealing with people from the Right.Andrew Leonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13964775673414653644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-88219824734840982542017-11-08T09:39:54.941-07:002017-11-08T09:39:54.941-07:00From what we're starting to find out about him...From what we're starting to find out about him, it sounds like he didn't get the correct treatment and medical care and perhaps other things that we may never know that he needed to be a decent human being. Whoever said "no" to all that just added more onto the pile of things that contributed to the massacre. Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-50210156004127705912017-11-08T09:34:47.728-07:002017-11-08T09:34:47.728-07:00Excellent point, Stephen.Excellent point, Stephen.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-70727424475854718522017-11-08T09:34:17.000-07:002017-11-08T09:34:17.000-07:00I think you may have missed my point. I'm poin...I think you may have missed my point. I'm pointing out that we don't live in a world of no consequence. If we say "no" to someone whether it be sex, money, opportunity, equality, respect and on and on and on...we should all be ready to pay the consequence (and these consequences can be the most terrible things you can possibly imagine). And we shouldn't be surprised by it. In fact, we should expect the best outcome but prepare for the worst. That's a motto I live by. Should we fear consequence (which seems to be your point)? Absolutely. But we shouldn't let fear change our decisions. Fear is a very useful emotion. It tells us when we are in dangerous waters and to tread carefully. I think that this more accurately describes the society in which we find ourselves today.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-40070432249664622592017-11-08T09:23:23.079-07:002017-11-08T09:23:23.079-07:00I don't see the problem s in our culture comin...I don't see the problem s in our culture coming from an inability to say "no." I think we're becoming a self-centered ungovernable people, with too many of us only thinking about our own interests instead of what's good for the country. It's time to put country first over party. There was a time when Americans came together to accomplish great things. If we fall prey to those politicians who would divide us, our days as a world leader are over.stephen Hayeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17659054447637207734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-78055724715942810332017-11-08T08:40:54.095-07:002017-11-08T08:40:54.095-07:00While you have a point, there's also the part ...While you have a point, there's also the part of that where saying "yes" because of the threat of violence is actually suffering violence. For instance, for a woman to have sex with someone because she's scared of violence if she says "no" is a form of rape, and rape is violence. Men (because it's almost always a man using violence as an enforcement method) just need to learn to behave better.Andrew Leonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13964775673414653644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-48647367327589781742017-11-08T05:43:16.852-07:002017-11-08T05:43:16.852-07:00The Texas shooter was garbage by all accounts. He ...The Texas shooter was garbage by all accounts. He never should have been able to buy a cap gun let alone an assault rifle.PT Dillowayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09394481476862013009noreply@blogger.com