tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post101859645738627614..comments2024-03-22T12:11:58.453-06:00Comments on Michael Offutt: All the burning questions I have about the Ashley Madison hack following Annalee Newitz's article on GizmodoMichael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-54880092683349230482015-09-09T17:13:49.251-06:002015-09-09T17:13:49.251-06:00I think it winds up being who is in charge of payi...I think it winds up being who is in charge of paying the bills. Might be harder to hide the account's bills if your husband pays the bills. I know that used to be the case that most men paid the bills. Don't know if it's so now. Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-51792896817659449762015-08-31T00:44:50.308-06:002015-08-31T00:44:50.308-06:00Thanks, HelenaThanks, HelenaMichael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-38234755978520105582015-08-31T00:44:39.103-06:002015-08-31T00:44:39.103-06:00Adam: Any theories as to why that is?Adam: Any theories as to why that is?Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-693961558020875792015-08-31T00:00:07.328-06:002015-08-31T00:00:07.328-06:00I once read the comments of a marriage counselor w...I once read the comments of a marriage counselor who had come to the conclusion that all men and women fall into three almost equally sized groups: one group is naturally monogamous, the second has to struggle to be monogamous but can do it, and the third isn't monogamous at all and never will be. If this is true, we should alter our culture to recognize variety in human behavior.<br /><br />I do like what you say about the lack of emotional immaturity among a lot of people in our society, but I also think that people (both men and women) try to satisfy what is missing within themselves or their lives by turning to the wrong solution, which can be anything from sexual affairs to guns to excess materialism.<br /><br />I love the way you raise so many thought-provoking subjects, Mike!Helenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14967821142796562697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-33946986980033457702015-08-29T07:50:28.999-06:002015-08-29T07:50:28.999-06:00I think all dating sites have too high of a male-t...I think all dating sites have too high of a male-to-female ratio. Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08051255914419363819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-75605274560649112382015-08-28T22:52:31.449-06:002015-08-28T22:52:31.449-06:00Meh. It's just phone sex taken to another lev...Meh. It's just phone sex taken to another level.PT Dillowayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09394481476862013009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-44517379294913433412015-08-28T22:20:11.153-06:002015-08-28T22:20:11.153-06:00That's not what I was trying to say at all. Ra...That's not what I was trying to say at all. Rather, I'm saying that women have the capacity to be faithful and committed if they so desire. But men? Not so much. And because of this, any relationship comprised of only men has twice the chance of failure that a heterosexual relationship based on monogamy does.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-83240202782630756032015-08-28T20:43:01.707-06:002015-08-28T20:43:01.707-06:00So using the same logic for women that you used fo...So using the same logic for women that you used for gay men, are lesbians supermonogamous? Yeah, I made that word up.Kevin Longhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01092721842140433268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-33547083066482160322015-08-28T18:13:25.975-06:002015-08-28T18:13:25.975-06:00I don't think men are necessarily more deceitf...I don't think men are necessarily more deceitful than women; its just that cheating men are more acceptable to society as a whole than women. Women who cheat are treated as whores, whereas men are just seen as getting ansy. And, the women are always to blame for not being able to keep their man's interest. When women cheat, they usually leave the relationship because they fall in love with another; but men will have one "love" relationship, and only have sex with others.<br /><br />I would think in a male/male relationship, those male dominance qualities about relationships still exist. Both men have them, so while they feel its ok for themselves to stray, their partner has to remain faithful. Doesn't work unless at least one partner is willing to remain in the relationship regardless of an unfaithful partner.<br /><br />Personally, I don't think humans were meant to mate "forever" in one monogamous relationship. Marriage should be a contract with an end date. Perhaps more relationships (gay or straight) would work out longer, or at least end friendlier.dolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-27542421841179986772015-08-28T17:06:10.857-06:002015-08-28T17:06:10.857-06:00I had no idea sites like this existed until the sh...I had no idea sites like this existed until the shit hit the fan over this. I heard that one of the Duggar guys had an account, and that really fries me because of all the moralizing they did to convince us they were the perfect family.stephen Hayeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17659054447637207734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-1215931053369570912015-08-28T17:05:03.462-06:002015-08-28T17:05:03.462-06:00It's fascinating that the site made so much mo...It's fascinating that the site made so much money when presumably the guys weren't really getting much out of it. It was this fictional ideal. I've been listening to this unfold, and it makes me happy that I'm single. I think.Liz A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16531953467834426316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-21272596634431864662015-08-28T11:11:04.213-06:002015-08-28T11:11:04.213-06:00We'll just have to disagree. I think society i...We'll just have to disagree. I think society is just too puritanical and has incorporated too many elements from religion. Many of the things society sees as the 'right way' don't feel so right to me, and I think at my age I know myself well enough to know that I'm emotionally mature. I think a lot of people, especially younger ones, hang on to idealism rather than be completely honest with themselves. Just my take, and I know it won't be the popular one.Ted Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-74016250343019788432015-08-28T08:56:03.888-06:002015-08-28T08:56:03.888-06:00Hilarious because of schadenfreude? This is fraud ...Hilarious because of schadenfreude? This is fraud on a huge scale. I'm in Cindy's camp in that I don't feel sorry for anyone caught up in the hack. I am fascinated by the idea that someone could set up such a money-making honeypot for a specific audience. The person responsible for the idea is probably one of the best marketers in the world in that he knows his audience better than anyone. Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-61475204398963360512015-08-28T08:51:10.739-06:002015-08-28T08:51:10.739-06:00Whatever happened to just banging your Secretary? ...Whatever happened to just banging your Secretary? It's hilarious that these horny guys were paying all that money to hit up robots or other dudes in disguise.PT Dillowayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09394481476862013009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-52015917494128387242015-08-28T08:45:02.338-06:002015-08-28T08:45:02.338-06:00Posit this idea: perhaps it's a sign of emotio...Posit this idea: perhaps it's a sign of emotional immaturity linked to entitlements. We know that gun violence is huge in the United States and most of these crimes that I know of are perpetuated by men. Men who have been spurned by women, fired from jobs, or otherwise failed in things that they believe they should not have failed at. Emotional immaturity leads to all kinds of poor decisions, and certainly having an affair could also be considered a "poor decision" in some circles. So maybe it's not an imbalance of libido sizes but the fact that men are achieving physical adulthood while never grasping emotional adulthood and the idea that we don't always get what we want (and being satisfied with that).Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-54783336971802401872015-08-28T05:28:09.288-06:002015-08-28T05:28:09.288-06:00I agree it really does say something about men. Pe...I agree it really does say something about men. Perhaps the temptation is just too great for so many of them. I don't feel sorry for anyone caught in the hack. Cindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07922596724107742478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495499100279472520.post-28121807491021472862015-08-28T01:45:27.849-06:002015-08-28T01:45:27.849-06:00I don't see it as deceit at all. I believe it ...I don't see it as deceit at all. I believe it is a mixture of an imbalance of libido sizes (generality of course with exceptions) and socialization. Men in general want sex more often and are also okay with having 'meaningless' sex than women are (because it isn't actually meaningless to us). There may even be a lot of women who crave sex as much as men do, but socialization causes them to feel they have to hide these feelings away. I think there are true issues with the idea of long-term monogamy (and I say this as a person happily married for twenty years). Monogamy for life may have been reasonable when people lived relatively short lives, but it becomes more problematic the longer we live. A lot of people will claim perfect happiness in their marriages, but I don't believe they are admitting the full truth to themselves. Even if we still absolutely love our spouses after many years, as I do, we still often crave more sex than we are getting. That doesn't make us deceitful but rather only human.Ted Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09022309459554237650noreply@blogger.com