Friday, June 17, 2016

The Shallows is just in time for Shark Week on the Discover Channel and it reminds us all of why big bodies of water are terrifying

The death of the toddler at Disney World this week was a terrible tragedy. It also reaffirmed to me my fear of big bodies of water. To be honest, I blame my mom. I know that she meant well, but as a foreigner (she's Japanese) in America in 1977, she wanted to take her son (me) who was very young to see a movie that everyone said was really good. That movie was "Jaws" and to this day I remember those teeth chomping into the captain of the ship and a fountain of blood spraying from his mouth. It was terrifying.

Now another Shark Week is almost upon us (hint: it starts Sunday the 26th). Of course I'm going to watch it. Of course I'm going to be terrified by what I see. And when it's over, I'll just shake my head and say again, "I'm never going into the ocean." I'm 44 years old and I've lived up to that promise. One doesn't just wade into the ocean and not expect to get eaten. And with my high body fat percentage, I think i'd just look like a piece of raw bacon floating in the surf.

My friend Brad thinks that the ocean is pretty safe and defends it by saying, "How many people go swimming at the beach compared to how many people actually get attacked by sharks?" True, the number is low. And he even brings up that driving in traffic is far more dangerous than swimming in open water. However, I also countered with this whole idea that I've had for years that a lot of "drownings" are actually shark attacks but no one wants to say that because it harms tourism.

And now (just in time for Shark Week) there's also this movie called, "The Shallows." My friend Brad wants to go see it so I guess I will. But the trailer is totally a reminder of why smart people don't go into big bodies of murky water. Watch the trailer at your own peril. It's quite scary. Here's hoping that you have an excellent Father's Day and don't get eaten by an alligator or a shark. That's the kind of friend I am to you. I'm probably the only one you know who legitimately hopes that you don't get eaten this weekend.

8 comments:

  1. This smart person doesn't go in the ocean. I have a friend who teaches scuba diving and he's flown over our beaches several times - he said if people knew how many sharks were just off the coast at any given time, no one would go in the water.
    You saw Jaws when you were five? Crap, I was almost a teen when it came out and still scared the crap out of me. I didn't even want to go near the bathtub after that.

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  2. At least your young Jaws experience didn't stop you from loving shark week. I've been in the ocean a few times, snorkeling on a reef and swimming with sea turtles. Those were awesome experiences. I would do it again.

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  3. Whenever I watch an episode of American Dad where they find a colossal squid it makes me think of all the freaky stuff that's in the ocean.

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  4. Like you, I was traumatized by "Jaws." But that movie and others like it have made life rough for sharks, who have more to fear from humans than we do from them. Peter Benchley regretted the mass killing of sharks brought about by his book and he devoted much of his energy to saving and protecting sharks, a species deemed by nature to be so perfect it hasn't changed in millions of years.

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  5. I'm not fond of creatures that like to drag humans into their lair, either - sharks or alligators. I've visited Florida since my childhood days and we were always warned about sharks all up the east coast of Florida and up to the Carolinas. Three people were pulled off docks and eaten by 'Gators in Florida a few days before one of our vacations. So I didn't feel guilty eating gator bites at one of the restaurants there. Do not trail your toes in the water from the edge of the dock - not a good idea, it looks like bait to the things beneath the water. . .

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  6. We saw Jaws at a drive-in. Since we lived on the coast, early fog drifted in and swirled around our car, up to window level. Scared us silly.
    Sharks are real, and they like to eat.

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  7. And yet I'm still drawn to jump right in. The beach bum in me is alive and well. Haven't started the trailer and I'm already freaked out. :)

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  8. Apparently, my mom took me to see Jaws at a young age, too. At the drive in. The story goes that I woke up at the worst part. I don't remember any of this, however.

    I have been in the ocean. Well, just up to my calves. But that was years ago.

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