Friday, July 8, 2011

The Six Stages Of Query Hell

Abandon all hope ye who enter... oh Dante, how I love you...

STAGE ONE: Fear. I will fail and it will hurt a lot. But fellow bloggers shall come to the rescue of my self-esteem. Ta Dah!
STAGE TWO: Excitement. I can do this.
STAGE THREE: You send your letter to agents that have read this manual...
STAGE FOUR: Rejection. At first you are like this...
And Later You Are Like This...
STAGE FIVE: And You ask yourself "Why don't they love me?" But there is no answer. Only silence. A deafening silence as if you are adrift in an ocean on a boat and there is no land for thousands of miles.
STAGE SIX: And you look at your successful blogger friends bragging about their agents and ARCs and how happy their lives are and you're like, "Congrats! That's awesome!" And then you read books that are bad and think that you could have written something better but no one appreciates your genius. So as rejections pile up you put on a show of this...
When in reality you're thinking...
I decided to walk into query hell this week and hope that I don't get burned alive but when it comes to life...I'm not an optimist. I think more often than not...bad things happen to good people. It's just my personal outlook and it keeps me from getting my hopes up. I hate querying but it is a necessary evil and every writer sooner or later must battle this devil. But that doesn't mean that I don't wish everyone else in query hell with me the best of luck. In Dante's Inferno, the way out required you to get past a very frozen Satan in the deepest and coldest pit before the way to purgatory was revealed.

29 comments:

  1. I totally get Stage Four. But what about the stage where you get a "yes"? Or is that after you exit Query Hell?

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  2. I tend to be a pessimist too...and yet I totally and completely believe that there isn't any point giving up. You're NEVER gonna succeed if you do that.

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  3. I love the pic for Stage 2. That dude has some amazing moves. Work it boy! LOL

    I've been in query hell, so I know how you -kinda- feel. However, I don't really get jealous by other people's success, because I have no idea the trouble they went through to get it. It's the same as this saying: "You should never complain about simple troubles in life because someone else has it a lot harder than you."

    I'm also severely optimistic, so I always believe that someday -soon- I'll be blessed with success too. Keep believing your dreams will happen, it ALWAYS manifests itself. ^_^

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  4. I'm optimistic too, just like TD McFrost. I believe we are in charge of our own fate, and if you want something it's down to you to get it. But, just as you say, it's tough going, and this does nothing for people's confidence. As long as you have friends to help keep you standing throughout, and the will to keep going, we'll get there...

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  5. I've come to enjoy query letters, temporarily, because I'm not personally querying at the moment. But once I jump back in I'm going hate them with a white hot musky passion again.

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  6. I can SO relate, Mike. I love the visuals. The odds of getting an agent are so slim, and that's just the beginning. Then the agent has to get a publisher to accept it. Lots of time involved.

    Good Luck!

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  7. And really getting out of Hell only got him to Purgatory. That's the same problem with this process. Sure you might land an agent, but that doesn't mean you're published. Such a painful process, but maybe you'll be better for it. Right? Um, no, probably not.

    Anyway, I hope you have better luck than I've had.

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  8. Good luck! Hopefully the Query Hell will get your to Agent Purgatory, then Publishing Nirvana.

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  9. Ishta: A "yes" would mean that I got out of hell. At that point I'd make a post (as Mutt suggested) called the stages of query purgatory.

    So yeah...I have no idea what a "yes" feels like at this point so as I had not experienced it...the story remains unfinished.

    T.D.: You are the Mother Theresa of writing dear sir!

    Tomeka: Thank you <3

    Macnish: You had me at white hot musky passion...

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  10. I haven't gotten to query hell yet. . . and maybe I don't want to! Best of luck. Maybe if you just keep dancing like the cool kid at Stage Two, the agents will love you! ;)

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  11. Good luck, querying is such a scary thing to do!

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  12. Good luck, querying is such a scary thing to do!

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  13. Your post reminds me of that joke about the guy going to the doctor.
    Guy: It hurts when I do this.
    Doctor: Then don't do that.

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  14. Have you posted for feedback on AgentQuery.com? It can really help.

    You could post your query here on your blog, but we're all pals and might not rip into it quite like a query forum. :-)

    I'm not the worst at query critique, so feel free to email it to me if you want feedback!

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  15. Flashing, "I want to stab you to death" has brought tears to my eyes.

    I've just finished what I hope is my final draft of my novel and query. And I'm about to enter query hell once again. Thanks for bracing me/making me laugh.

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  16. Here's the kind of article I love. An agent's tips for writing a query.

    http://pandeliterary.com/blog/the-art-of-query-writing/

    But note the last paragraph or so when after saying all the things you should do, she says, "But sometimes a manuscript is so good I accept it even with a bad query." In other words, everything I just said is bull plop because if I feel like it I'll cast all these "rules" aside.

    And they wonder why writers get frustrated?

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  17. You amaze me with all that you do, Michael. First off, the fact that you've actually completed writing projects is more that most of the people I know who say they have a passion for writing and wish to become a published writer who have yet to follow through with just the writing portion of the task... You've done far more than that at this point. You've actually written books, you've queried tons of agents, you've researched the market, you've weighed all sorts of options for what will be the best way to find your success in this field of work. I have faith that out of the many people I know of who are aspiring writers, that your odds for success are MUCH higher, not just because of the fantastic stories you have in your mind to share with the world, but also because of your determination to get through this continual disappointment and rejection. I also hope that you find success soon so you can get out of hell, purgatory, and whatever else is on the horizon for you.

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  18. Fight the good fight and spit shine your shoes. Don't spam every agent you know with your query, there's always one mistake your find after sending it to an agent. Best to not find it when you've queried the dream one.

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  19. LOL, love the photos to go with the emotions.

    Thanks for pushing me into query hell this week with you. It's better to be here than doing nothing, don't you think?

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  20. Good luck. I hope you get a yes. I'd love to see you in print (or ebook, I don't discriminate).

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  21. You know, I love writing but I don't think I'll ever pursue anything like this. After reading what is expected (I am far from interested in doing interviews or hopping from city to city to promote a book), I just think the simple route is to maybe use a vanity publisher. If someone reads my book, great. If not, no skin off my nose.

    I wish you all the luck! :)

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  22. With you on this, hoping for the best.

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  23. Oh, dear. I've heard going on submission is even worse. I wish you the best of luck!

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  24. Good Luck, Mike. I'm sending you good agent hunting vibes and keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    I love the pic for stage two. I read your post Friday afternoon during work (yeah, just getting around the blogsphere leaving comments now) and LOL'd in my cubicle, repeatedly. :D I do that dance sometimes, too. Hee hee. I reverse stages one and two. Excitement first, and then comes the fear.

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  25. LOL, great comparison with the stages of querying! Best of luck with it.

    Hugs,

    Rach

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