Friday, April 29, 2011

An iPad Love Story

You saw the iPad for the first time. It was all the things you weren't. It was shiny and thin. You thought if only Apple had made you, you'd be thin too. It was a look you can never forget.


Then you weaseled one out of your boss, husband, wife, brother, sister, mother...or even God forbid...you won one from a radio station contest. It made you feel like this:
You downloaded apps. You downloaded Angry Birds and made excuses that you were going to the bathroom at work when in fact you just wanted to get to the next level. Then someone else got a non-Apple product and they tried to show it to you. You pitied them.
You found a mutual friend who was confused. They asked you if Apple was better than the other tablets like Samsung or Toshiba. How could they ask this?!? So you stared at them until they got it.

But your friend was still confused. They didn't get it...
Should I even look at the other tablets? Are those other brands better? You answered the best you could while being professional about it.
So they took your advice. They bought the iPad. You thought it was over. But then they walked in with the iPad 2. They showed you all the new features. It was even slimmer, had a camera, and had a new case. Jealousy set-in. You tried to dismiss it...you clapped for your friend.
You knew what needed to be done. You were ready. You were now a master at Angry Birds and boy were you pissed! How could they do this? How could they usurp you with better technology. You had led them to the promised land and now...this?! You planned the perfect murder.

When someone told you that your mutual friend had been found dead. You tried to look sad. "How terrible," you said. "How could this happen?"
You offered to take their brand new iPad 2 to remember them by. Everyone agreed. It should be yours. It was the...

The END
Have a Great Weekend, See you Monday <3

29 comments:

  1. Great post! Technology angst is a serious problem in our society.

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  2. Funny, funny! Sam Jackson is kind of creeping me out though ...

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  3. I still don't see much point in paying $500-$600 for an iPad. If it gets down to the $200 range I might buy one instead of a Kindle or other eBook reader because it could do more stuff.

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  4. @ Mutt. Can you play angry birds on your Kindle? You silly people that want to read. What a waste since I have spent over 1543 hours playing angry birds. I can tweet you or post on facebook how awesome I am by getting three stars on all levels. Well worth the additional $300.00.

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  5. Oh Michael! Fantastic use of gifs. Somehow I didn't expect you to be an apple fanboy though!

    But now I shall never share computer specs with you for fear of my precious walking away after my untimely death.

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  6. Ahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Oh man! I see someone else shares my love. But if it is to be for you, Michael, it will have to be after my untimely death. (In which case I shall leave a note.) Question Michael Offutt, He can be found at SLC Kismet is all it will say. Bwahahahaha

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  7. Dude, where do you get these ideas from? They're HILARIOUS!

    AHAHAHAHA

    Thanks for the laugh. :D

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  8. T.D. McFrost: I was inspired by Comedy Central airing the Southpark episode of "CentiPad". Go view it here:

    http://www.comedycentral.com/

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  9. Thank you for this! Laughed my butt off! Great stuff :)

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  10. LOL - I wouldn't mind an IPad, but I still don't have one. Haven't been overly tempted yet...

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  11. Hilarious! I wish you would make all my posts!

    P.S. I love my iPad. I feel sorry for people who don't have one. :)

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  12. I'll take your old iPad if you want... I'm not picky. I don't have ANY of this stuff and I'd love one... (I giggled all the way through this, though)

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  13. What a fun post. I'm easily distracted, btw, your pics are so GREAT I forget to read the words!

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  14. My Apple-religious friend carried on about how inferior the old iPad was compared to the new, and then flipped and tried to sell me her old one. "A crappy iPad is still better than no iPad!" she said.

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  15. Thee speaks to my condition.

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  16. I had a brief and torrid affair with my iPad. I still like it a lot, but you know, I kinda just want to be friends with it now.

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  17. These are so funny. It was nice seeing Carl Winslow after a long time. I don't own an ipad and I think I am holding off for sometime.

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  18. That was one entertaining post. I laughed and laughed.

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  19. Hilarious!! Loved the images. I still have iPad and iPad2 envy. One day........

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  20. Ha this is really funny and so true too. What app did you use to do the moving images?

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  21. That's the risk we take with buying electronics. They keep getting better all the time.

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  22. I'm getting the new Blackberry tablet. I knew If I waited, something better would come along. Personally, I despise Apple products, and after the whole location tracking thing, I hate them even more...

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  23. All I have to say is that I'm excited because my mom replaced her laptop (which recently had a stroke in it's motherboard region) with a brand spankin' new MacBook Pro. :D Tech envy is setting in. Might have to go to TCBY to cool off. ;)

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  24. Hello! We've been matched up by the Critique Crusade page over at The Kelworth Files. Thought I would drop by and see what sort of a critiquing circle you were interested in...

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  25. so funny! :)

    And hi! I am one of the critiquing crusade partners suggested in the mail. Just thought I'd say hi :)

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  26. Too Funny, I'm still laughing. I want an ipad so so so bad, but haven't given in yet. It's like my iphone but bigger.

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