Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Dungeons & Dragons Sheldon Cooper Style - Bazinga!

Today my friends, I give you sixteen precious lessons lifted from the brain of Dr. Sheldon Cooper applicable to fantasy writing and the lives of nerds everywhere.
  1. Any plan that causes the DM to ask, "Are you sure you want to do that?" should be rethought immediately.
  2. Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
  3. You can't succeed at anything unless you roll the dice.
  4. Never ever throw a fireball in a closed room.
  5. Never be the first person to touch an unknown substance.
  6. Hitting on the King's daughter is never a good idea.
  7. If you spend enough time in sleazy bars talking to shady characters, adventure will find you.
  8. Always have an exit strategy.
  9. Siege artillery doesn't discriminate.
  10. Never use a weapon that's braver than you are.
  11. If the DM is smiling, it's already too late.
  12. Never ever give the Dungeon Master ideas.
  13. If something looks too good to be true, check for traps at once.
  14. Never summon anything that you don't know how to dismiss.
  15. Treat your hirelings well; they're the ones carrying all of your loot.
  16. If all else fails, bribe the DM with pizza.
And a bonus from my friend James:

Never ever be without a Wall of Iron. You can drop it on someone and they go splat.

There you have it and Happy Wednesday.

*DISCLAIMER: If you don't get the above stuff then you are not nearly nerdy enough and should go and buy a Player's Handbook and Dungeon Master's Guide and hang out with some young men in a game store. You'll find that they're very imaginative as they dream of a day when they can have a +5 Holy Avenger!


  1. Nope, I'm not nearly nerdy enough. Here's a link for you. I'm sure you probably have an answer to the question the article poses.

  2. LOL I'm not sure actually. I know she's been sporting those several times for promoting "Born This Way". They could be implants or just cleverly done make-up.

  3. That fireball advice is really good. I learned that one the hard way...

  4. I haven't played D&D but I had a college boyfriend very into Call of Cthulu and I've read enough fantasy and horror to appreciate most of this anyway--very fun list!

  5. LOL - I am definitely not nerdy enough! OH, well!

  6. My husband LOVES that show. I LIKE it. :)

  7. I would like to email this blog of yours to my son. This is very funny. My kids would probably relate Dugeons and dragons better than me. The sixteen lessons you wrote are specially funny.

  8. There are some good life lessons in that list.

  9. Oh no, I always thought I was a nerd but have thus far managed to avoid confirmation. Oh well, at least a friend actually called my other half Dr. Sheldon Cooper after a facebook status update the other day so I'm not alone.

  10. That was really fun stuff - I'm a Big BBT fan, and a D&D nerd from way back

    I'm starting up a 'Critiquing and Supportive Crusaders' program, where participants in the Second Crusade can find other writers to exchange critiques with or form supportive critiquing circles. If you're interested, come by The Kelworth Files to check it out!

  11. My husband's DM just killed all their characters they'd been playing for a few years. Poor husband was still in shock when he got home.

  12. I still have my character sheet for Ophelia. :) Totally loved your games, Mike. Thanks for the nostalgia. And yes, if DM was smiling, it was already too late... for sure. :D Glad your game was more adventure and role playing and less kill everyone in the group as quickly as possible. You're such a great storyteller.